UnNews:Manson found innocent
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Manson found innocent
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, January 16, 2018, 16:36:UTC)(
20 November 2017
Sunnydale, California -- Tragically, just hours after his death at age 83, beloved and highly respected polymath and philanthropist Charles Manson has been cleared of the Tate-LaBianca murders that sent him to prison for life. This was proven by YouTuber StreeTCap1, who also recently proved that the 1972 Apollo 17 mission to the moon was faked. There, he revealed an image of a stagehand reflected in an astronaut’s visor that also shows a Sephora store in the background. On very close study, it also shows the shadow of a dead man hanging in the background.
Later, after going through pictures from the fake Apollo 11 "moon landing" supposedly made in 1969, StreeTCap1 found an image that accidentally showed Charles Manson in it. This was also from the fake moon soundstage in the secret studio complex set up in Area 51, now a part of the Universal Studios tour. The YouTube member then realized that the entire film crew, headed by director Stanley Kubrick, would have been kept in isolation for many months until the first faked moon landing date in July. "Therefore, it would have been impossible for Manson to have led the murders committed in August of that year. Case closed."
When Manson had sneaked off the set to Las Vegas to buy boxes of Krispy Kreme doughnuts for orphans and crippled children, he was arrested by unknown and unidentified security personnel. Bystanders stated that they were all dressed in black, landing in silent unmarked black helicopters and quickly disappeared with what onlookers thought was "just another damn hippie". Manson stated afterwards, "I only wish they had allowed someone to deliver the doughnuts," as he broke into tears.
After a quick show trial, Manson was convicted of multiple murder counts and put into maximum security to keep him quiet. This was even after the supposed murder victims were spotted in places ranging from a resort on Bermeja Island in the Caribbean to Hashima, Japan. They were also spotted together in Regina, Saskatchewan (Canada) but the report was quickly discounted when it was found that there is no such place as Canada.
Manson, ever the creative genius, continued to work hard for the movie business behind the scenes while locked up in maximum security. When contacted by producer George Lucas, he wrote every Star Wars script from Return of the Jedi to Revenge of the Sith. Manson created the revered character of Jar Jar Binks in the process, based on his good friend Tex Watson. He was also responsible for Waterworld, the Batman and Robin movie plus TV favorites like Come to Papa and Blind Justice. More recently, Manson helped launch the careers of now-legendary greats like Shia LaBeouf, Hayden Christensen and Tommy Wiseau. Mogul Harvey Weinstein once stated that Manson taught him every he knew. While several sources credit Paul McCartney for some of these achievements, that is plainly impossible as Sir Paul has been dead since 1962.
President Donald Trump is preparing a formal pardon for Manson. "A great, just a great guy. It's a yuge loss." Representatives of Planet Nibiru and The Illuminati were unavailable for comment as they were off attending various pro-Roy Moore rallies.
Pope Francis has recognized the achievments of Manson, and plans on making him Saint Manson. He will be known as The Patron Saint of Trolling. Donald Trump in response, has condemned the victims of Manson as "unepic leftards." Mad Libcuck Obama?
- Sinclair, Harriet "’Fake’ Apollo moon landing photo claims to show proof the mission was a hoax". Newsweek, November 19, 2017
- Rogers, John "Charles, Manson, whose cult slayings horrified world, dies". AP, November 19, 2017