UnNews:Mandatory government ban on illegal immigration to come into effect immediately

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Illegalaliensfromouterspace

Government poster outlining the problem. Maybe.

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6 July 2010

LONDON, Great Britain - Complaints about illegal immigration have inspired the government to issue a ban against it. From June 6th 2010, it will be illegal to mention, discuss or use the phrase illegal immigr*tion in any format or sense. Already, over 2000 arrests have been made over usage of the phrase. A government speaker had this to say when questioned on the matter:

"You see, people always say to me, we should stop illegal immigr*tion, illegal immigr*tion is bad, we should stop illegal immigr*tion. Did I say that one twice? Meh. Anyway, the point is, with this new ban we feel people will finally be able to shut up about illegal immigr*tion once and for all! Now let's go do other stuff!"

The enforcement of this new law has recieved heavy criticism from people who feel it is a hate statement against illegal immigr*nts:

"These people have the same rights as everyone else! Just because they immigrate here illegally and take all our jobs and live in our houses which we built with our own resources, doesn't mean that we should criticise their way of life! Wait, can I say that part again? No? Okay then. The point is, we're speaking for people who cannot speak for themselves for some reason! We've decided that immigrants are unhappy, so they are! Can I say that part again? Please?

Bold words indeed. The current punishment for breaking this law can be 14 years of imprisonment, although with good behaviour the government claims that there is room for negotiation; people who swear they accidentally used the phrase can have the 14 year sentence to be reduced to a life sentence, although it has to be a pinkie swear, or it doesn't count.

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