UnNews:Man shooting teenagers in London turns out to be environmentalist offsetting his carbon emissions
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Man shooting teenagers in London turns out to be environmentalist offsetting his carbon emissions
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Sunday, January 22, 2017, 06:16:UTC)(
15 February 2007
The third fatal shooting of a teenager in south London in less than two weeks has been revealed as the worker of an angry bearded environmentalist.
The Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police, Sir Ian Blair, had called an emergency meeting with senior staff on Thursday to discuss the recent shootings in south London, he suggested there was compelling evidence that it was the work of a vigilante environmentalist offsetting his carbon emissions.
Michael Dosunmu, 15, was shot dead in the bedroom of his Peckham home on 6 February.
Three days earlier, 16-year-old James Andre Smartt-Ford died after he was shot at Streatham Ice Arena. Ice rinks are notorious for the amount of energy they waste and it was a known hunting ground of the green killer.
Neighbours of the boy shot in Clapham North said they were shocked.
Christina Piludu said: "I know he was a good boy. He always respected all of us, but if it means stopping global warming perhaps it was worth it."
In a statement Scotland Yard said: "As is routine, links with recent murders in south London have been investigated, and the motive is clear."
"We would like to reassure the communities in south London that we are taking the current situation very seriously and are doing everything in our power to find the carbon offsetter."
On Thursday, Sir Ian is scheduled to meet officers from the Met's Specialist Crime Directorate, which includes Operation Sandals, a unit tasked with investigating gun crime in the green community.
The investigation is being handed over to Operation Sandals, whose vice chair, Claudia Webbe, told BBC News that carbon offsetting crime was "devastating London's streets".
"What we really do need to deal with is the prevention in the first place, long before that bullet has been fired, she said.
"Far too many of these tree huggers know where, how and whom to get a gun from and that is worrying. Plus the bodies are going to be cremated so it's hardly offsetting emissions is it!"