UnNews:Man makes headlines
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Man makes headlines
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, October 27, 2016, 01:17:UTC)(
3 August 2009
SOMEWHERE-- Today a man was discovered with lines all across his forehead. Apparently he got bored, took a permanent marker and drew the lines all across his head in a desperate attempt to gain attention from the media. UnNews confirms that the man is getting the required attention for this.
When further questioned on his motives, the man had this to say; "I was busy marking my pirated CDs and when I got to the seventeenth CD I got like really bored of marking them, so I thought, hey why not draw lines on my forehead and then go out in public!."
The man then went to the mall where people looked at him funny and whispered things behind his back. According to a florist who witnessed the event at the time, people also pointed in his direction a lot. "I was trimming my roses when I noticed that people were pointing and stuff. When I looked to see what they were pointing at, I noticed a man with a whole bunch of lines on his head," the florist said when interviewed by UnNews.
UnNews wanted a more In-depth interview with the man, who is now being reffered to as "famous man in the news," so staff members decided to pay the man a visit in his home for an exclusive on the incident. The conversation was as follows:
UnNews: So how does it feel when people point and stare?
Famous man in the news: Well, at first I was a bit surprised at the response I was getting from the public, but then I started actually liking the attention quite a bit, I must admit.
UnNews: Are you planning on ever washing the lines off?
Famous man in the news: Ahh. Yes. Many people have asked me this question, and to answer that... No I don't think I am planning on washing the lines off for the time being, it will interfere with my latest publicity stunt.
UnNews: And what would this new publicity stunt involve?
Famous man in the news: -Snicker- I knew you would ask that. I am planning on shaving my whole head bald and then drawing more lines all over it.
UnNews: How do you think the public will react to this?
Famous man in the news: I'm not sure actually. I am hoping they will point, stare and laugh some more.
UnNews: How would the staring, laughing etc benefit you in the long run?
Famous man in the news: Well. I think it should at least keep me in the eye of the public for long enough to be remembered by millions of people and my egotistical urges will most definitely be satisfied as a result.
UnNews: So basically, this is all for fame and no money. What will happen once people find something else that becomes a media sensation, such as perhaps a woman who tattoos mice and penisis on her head?
Famous man in the news: Can that really happen?
Famous man in the news: Pshaw... That was so May-June.
Famous man in the news: Oh shit! Is it too late ?
UnNews: You have one of two options here: lose your fame in a month and considered a one hit wonder freak for life, making you incapable of finding a real job, or pull another stunt and lose your fame in two months. You will still forever more be looked at as a freak though.
Famous man in the news: I'll go with option two.
UnNews: Alrighty then. See you again next month. Thank you for talking to us Famous man in the news.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|
- A girl with fake tits "Omg did you see the guy with the lines all over his head?". uncyclopedia, August 03, 2009