UnNews:Man imprisoned for saying "maybe those Arabs have a point"
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Man imprisoned for saying "maybe those Arabs have a point"
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, August 27, 2016, 11:54:UTC)(
5 June 2007
Guantanamo Bay Naval Base, Cuba In a bold strike against islamic terrorists and their allies, the United States Government announced that it is holding a man who dared to say that the Arabs "might have a point."
"You see, Israel is essentially seen as an unwelcome continuation of the British Mandate of Palestine, and by supporting Israel politically, economically and militarily, the United States is in the untenable position of being seen as the successor to Britain in exercising unwelcome foreign, unislamic influence in the Middle East" said the man. "Now the situation is much worse, since the United States has invaded Iraq, vastly increasing its presence in the Middle East which, like the tar baby, is getting America more stuck in it the more it fights it. You can't blame the Arabs for fighting back with the resources available to them, given this escalating state of conflicting political, economic and social forces. And it's actually not that bad here, except for the beatings and molestings."
"Thank goodness this man has been imprisoned where he belongs, for thinking such vile thoughts" said an unnamed government official. "All Americans must be protected from incorrect thoughts that support Arabs, er um I mean the enemy. And if keeping America safe requires that we beat and molest people who say the things we all think but keep to ourselves for the good of the country, then pass the truncheon and call Michael Jackson, because I've got a country to protect. And if you speak, in public, in a manner that supports the terrorists, then you're going to be joining our friend here in camp x-ray."
Jedd Foulwater, a local tile salesman, was particularly glad that the dangerous thoughts and speech of this terrorist sympathizer had been stopped. "Those terrorists hate Jesus. And Jesus is good and for the entire world, even those parts that are full of A-rabs blowing themselves up and flying airplanes into white people's buildings for no reason. If you say stuff supporting them A-rabs, your're as good as one of them in my book, which is the Bible, by the way. You're either with us or against us. USA! USA! USA!"
The ACLU, upon hearing of this situation, sighed and filed yet another lawsuit.