UnNews:Man has sex with bicycle, escapes prosecution
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Man has sex with bicycle, escapes prosecution
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, August 23, 2017, 19:37:UTC)(
22 November 2007
edit Man has sex with bicycle, is not charged
Robert Stewart, of Ayrshire in Scotland, narrowly escaped prosecution and entry onto the Sex Offender's Register after courts decided that he had not broken the law when he had sex with a bicycle.
Mr. Stewart was discovered during the act by two cleaners working at the hostel where he lives. The cleaners claim that after knocking at the door several times, they used a master key in order to enter the room and go about their duties. There they observed Mr. Stewart "wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down." He was, allegedly, "holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."
The witnesses were extremely shocked and immediately reported the incident to the hostel manager who, after eventually finding himself able to stop laughing at Mr. Stewart, notified the Police. Police Officer McTavish was first on the scene, having been patrolling on his bicycle near by, but was unable to become involved as Mr. Stewart made sexual comments to McTavish's vehicle, which became perturbed. Within moments a squad car arrived and Mr. Stewart was arrested.
However, the defendant was found not to have committed a crime when the judge heard that the bicycle was aged 18 and had given its full consent. Judge Jack Homeson later said, "Mr. Stewart is not, I repeat not, a criminal. He's just fucking weird."