UnNews:Man goes to work; wife fucks his neighbor
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Man goes to work; wife fucks his neighbor
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, February 10, 2016, 08:49:UTC)(
15 March 2011
SUBURBIA, Dystopia -- While a man went to work today, his wife of several years fucked their neighbor behind his back. Not literally behind his back--he was, of course, at work--but "behind his back" in the sense that she was cheating on him. But yeah, he fucked her hard.
This news is, so far, unknown to the man, unless he reads this article, in which case he would now be aware. When asked what his thoughts were on not knowing that his wife fucked his neighbor today, the man replied, "Go away, scumbag, before I call the police." He reportedly retreated back into his home and began dwelling on the germinating seed of doubt. The man's wife refused to respond to our e-mails questioning her behavior and our proposition for an orgy with our sexy news team.
Their neighbor had little to say. When questioned a few moments ago about it, he succinctly said, "Yeah, she's a dirty hoe. And that guy is kind of a dick. And I'm only human. Now go away, scumbag." According to several sources, neither the wife nor neighbor feel any guilt or shame for their actions. Even worse, the neighbor ate the man's last Hot Pocket after banging his wife, and not a single fuck was given (except for the one given to the man's wife by his neighbor).
This news doesn't come as a complete surprise to other neighbors on the same block, who have long been rumoring of an affair. The woman living next to the man and wife says these facts became obvious to her when she saw them fucking on the front lawn today. Two teenagers walking home from school recorded the action on a cell phone camera at the request of the prostrate wife. The juveniles claim she told them she loved the idea of having the video posted on the internet for the world to see, to which the neighbor agreed, "Hell yeah!"
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|