UnNews:Man fucks art exhibit, blames drug interaction
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Man fucks art exhibit, blames drug interaction
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, May 24, 2015, 22:15 (UTC)
25 October 2009
RAMSHACKLE, Vermont -- An art exhibit in this rural college town caused a furor yesterday when a local man was arrested for fucking several art pieces at a Ridgid & Stiff College exhibit of modern art. It took several policemen to subdue him, using tasers, pepper spray, and racy pictures of Courtney Love.
Martin Cassowary's day began innocently enough, with a hearty breakfast. He put in a normal day at his rotisserie dog grooming business, then came home to a nice meal. After dinner, "the missus was in a sexy mood, and I was feeling a bit randy myself, so I popped on down to the pharmacy to get my Viagra prescription filled", he told UnNews reporters from his jail cell.
Witnesses were alternately fascinated and horrified as a rumor circulated that the sexual antics were actually part of a performance art piece. Hundreds fled and dozens were trampled when they realized that it was what it was.
"I remember some things, like a vivid dream," said Cassowary. "I guess I walked to Kramer Hall at the college, where the art exhibit was. I remember someone gave me a glass of wine, and later, it was like, I saw women lined up to have sex with me. So, I fucked them."
Charges of lewdness and mayhem are pending.