UnNews:Man feeds son to goannas
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
2 October 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
BRISBANE, Australia (AP) - An Australian man who said the late Steve Irwin is responsible for his sexual attraction to reptiles says he plans to honour the late television star and conservationist by feeding his infant son to his pet goannas. He hopes that by doing this he and his family will become closer to the lizards.
Wil Kemp, a reptile keeper at the Rockhampton Zoo says his second son was conceived as a result of unplanned, unprotected, unintoxicated sex and that he didn't really want the child anyways. He figures that the lizards could use the infant more than he could.
Kemp fed the infant to the lizards on Sunday night when his family came to visit. "When it starts crying we'll just pick it up by the head and chuck it in". When the infant did start to cry it was promptly fed to the lizards.
The parents came up with the idea when they learned that abortion was illegal in Australia. This coupled with Kemp's love for reptiles made feeding the baby to the lizards the only rational alternative.