UnNews:Man eats his own head
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Man eats his own head
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, May 22, 2015, 14:22 (UTC)
8 July 2007
MARIGOLD, Kentucky -- Onlookers in the sleepy town of Marigold, Kentucky were astounded as local man Bob McGillicuddy, a 47-year old ostrich farmer and father of 8 ate his own head in a record time of 2 minutes and 43 seconds, beating previous record holder, Yoshi Korokuwa's time by 38 seconds. It is understood Yoshi was gutting a fugu fish at "The Noodle Ninja", a Japanese restaurant in Seattle at the time but sources say he will try to regain his record once he can pay of his gambling debt. He was not available for comment. Mr. McGillicuddy, however, was available for comment. He says; "Well, I gotta say I'm very proud of my achievement. Ma' familys ben' struglin' lately and the money I get from this weel probaly' be' enuf' to buy me a nu spark plug for me tractor. Its ben' a bit rusty lately."
However, world-acclaimed pynacaeologist Dr. Sergio Flavellas has some advice for people reading this who want to try this themselves. "Eating your own head can harm your digestive system if done regularly. I would recommend refraining from eating your own head any more often than twice a week to stay safe".
The concept of successfully eating one's own head has baffled scientists and philosophers for centuries until experiments in Smith, Smithers and Co. Laboratories discovered a method of doing it in 1974. Since then, the self head-eating craze has swept the world, with an average of 223.8 new videos of people eating their own head being uploaded to Youtube every day.