UnNews:Man crushes police cars because "they took all my weed"
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
4 August 2012
VERMONT, USA -- Yes, only in America folks! A man in Vermont has been re-arrested after a conviction for carrying an illegal substance this time for something this reporter can only describe as completely bizarre. He ran over no fewer than 8 police cars in his tractor as a revenge scheme towards the cop that caught him dealing and using this substance.
Understandably, after the cops confiscated this man's bountiful support of pot he was a tad bit upset and through the combined rage of coming out of a bender and being in severe withdrawal, the man decided to jump into his tractor, drive into town, line up eight police cars (note he was extremely careful to avoid damaging any nearby vehicle) and just drive over them without looking back. It is believed he returned to his property shortly thereafter to try and find some other method of getting stoned. Unfortunately for him, a solitary old guy was watching and taping the whole thing in disbelief while the county sheriff was busy with other matters.
So with the footage they convicted the man for not only carrying an illegal substance, but dangerous driving, driving a vehicle under the influence of an illegal substance and about 50 other minor things with complete disregard for the fact he wrecked 8 police cars (and caused minor damage to a truck parked close by.)
Some call this man a menace to society, even what is wrong with society. Bullocks in this reporters' humble opinion, this man had a great idea, a vision and of course how he was able to take the phrase "fuck the police!" into a real life situation. He is now my personal hero until I can find someone else worthy of such gratitude. Hats off to you!
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|