UnNews:Man bites dog

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28 April 2012

Dog

Lassie (real name surpressed) after the vicious man-attack.

Chiens, France -- A black Labrador was viciously attacked overnight. The dog, whose real name has been suppressed as she is classed as a minor, despite being 64 in dog years, was savagely bitten by a ferocious man as a result of what appears to have been a drunken bet.

The man, who has gone missing since the attack, is described as a black German, 5' 10", and was last seen around the Chiens area in Paris. Posters have been circulated in the neighborhood asking for anyone with any knowledge of his whereabouts to contact 555-9847. He was last seen wearing a blue collar and answers to the name of "Klaus".

This has been the latest in a long line of attacks by Germans - a breed noted for its hostility. A petition to spay or neuter all Germans living in Paris has been started on the social networking site Facebook, and is growing rapidly in number since this latest attack. Anne-Maree Vetinari, the originator of the Facebook group, had this to say:

"This is a nasty and savage breed of people. This latest attack was completely unprovoked, like many of the attacks before it. The streets of Paris are not safe until every single German is removed from here!"

However, lovers of the breed have spoken out in support of their beloved Germans. Hans Onnit, the founder of the Germans are for Christmas appreciation society, responded:

"I have had Germans living with me since I was a child, and I have Germans living with me now. They are very obedient and great with kids. My son, Richard, has had the same German, Adolf,  with him since he was a baby, and there has never been an incident with them. Adolf plays with Dick day and night without an issue."

Lassie is in a stable condition but will need to see an animal counsellor as a result of the attack. She was not available for comment. 

Sources

This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.
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