|This article is part of UnNews||Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out|
16 October 2006
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CANTERBURY, NEW ZEALAND - A man was arrested for treason today after going to a party and using an American tomato sauce instead of Watties. Instead of following the Kiwi spirit of applying Watties (or Heinz) tomato sauce to his sheep, he applied a cheap American brand. He is currently being tried, and, if found guilty, he will be serving fifty years in the belly of a whale and will not be eligible to purchase a new sheep until 2065.
Police believe that the incident occurred at roughly four o'clock in the afternoon (New Zealand Daylight Time/NZDT). The emergency services were called at 4:04pm and, after hearing a message about someone complaining about the Watties tomato sauce, the police were on their way. About eight minutes later, the police raided the party, but the Sheep had already been saturated in Sauce. Luckily, the culprit was arrested and placed into custody. The sheep was shot on site.
In an attempt to save himself, the culprit tried writing a letter complaining about not being able to use his "favorite" ketchup, but due to the disastrous spelling, the police were sure that the culprit was guilty of treason. This would not prove to be very good evidence in court, but after confessing that he also supported the Auckland rugby teams, he does not stand a chance.
A state funeral will be held for the sheep next Thursday.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|