UnNews:Man Writes Worst Satire Ever, Runs For Life
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Man Writes Worst Satire Ever, Runs For Life
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, January 21, 2017, 19:55:UTC)(
23 November 2011
Long Journey, Cover of darkness -- Torches and Pitchforks were visible in every corner of society today as an unidentified man has fled from the usual condemnation and incarceration by his peers over a absolute trainwreck of an UnNews article. Grandmothers and newborn babies collaborated like never before to track down the suspect, accused outright of insanity and unlicensed authorship of harmful generalizations. Officer McCheesebacon explained "Unless apprehended he may seek access to a computer to damage the delicate neural pathways of unsuspecting internet users again. We are handing out tear gas and water cannons to dexterous and alert teenage children in the hopes of sedating and eventually rehabilitating this madman."
Rumors have surfaced that the suspect in the recent aberration of journalism may be fleeing far into the woods and may have already become the legendary bigfoot. Indeed, very large footprints led our reporters through the woods to a solar panel connected to a laptop. Closer examination revealed bigfoot sitting behind the laptop writing UnNews articles, but the mythological creature assured us that there was nothing to see there. Instead we tried to interview another bigfoot nearby making footprints in the forest floor with casts much larger than his already gigantic feet. "Oh, that sasquatch. Yeah, he doesn't make any sense at all. Probably best to ignore him with impunity"
Meanwhile, kittens have banded together to form MegaKitten in the hopes of healing all psychological damage inflicted upon society for once and for all.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|