UnNews:Man Wins Lottery by Using Numbers from "Lost"
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Man Wins Lottery by Using Numbers from "Lost"
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 3, 2015, 19:15:UTC)(
17 October 2008
Tsol, Syekym -- A man won 2 million dollars in the lottery by using the infamous numbers from the tv show "Lost." When asked whether he was concerned about the wisdom of using these numbers he told reporters, "That's ridiculous. I'm not superstitious, and----" His statement was cut short when the building exploded. He escaped with only minor injuries.
So far he has used the money to buy his dream home, several brand new sports cars, and a speedboat. Unfortunately, the boat and three cars were lost in the earthquake that swallowed his house. Luckily he was at the hospital at the time, being treated some minor injuries that resulted from a traumatic accident at his wedding which claimed the life of his young bride. The deaths of several other family members were unrelated to the incident.
Currently he is staying in the insane asylum, and is repeatedly urging people to be cautious in using these numbers. When reporters last tried to contact him he screamed into the cameras, "Don't use the numbers! Don't say the numbers! Don't even think the numbers! Keep them away from me!"
For reference, the numbers are: 4 8 15 16 23 42
[note: this article has been published on behalf of the author, who suffered a heart attack shortly after writing the final line]