UnNews:Man Discovers Haribo Is German and Not Japanese; "Mixed Feelings" Ensue
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Man Discovers Haribo Is German and Not Japanese; "Mixed Feelings" Ensue
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, September 2, 2015, 06:50:UTC)(
Philadelphia, PA - Samuel Horwitz, area man, made a personal discovery today after purchasing a bag of Haribo Raspberries Gummy Candy from a local minimart. While Horwitz was enjoying the candy pellet encrusted chewy imitation berry treats at his computer earlier, he spied on the back label Product of Germany. This came as "quite a shock" to Horwitz who had previously assumed that Haribo was a Japanese candy company.
"I guess I just thought that the name sounded kind of Japanese, and the candy seemed like the kind of candy they'd sell in Japan. Also, it was fairly expensive so I always knew it was imported. I guess I just thought it was imported from somewhere else," Horwitz stated. "I don't know, I mean it doesn't change the candy and I don't have anything against Germany (or Japan) but it just bothers me I was wrong. I feel lied to. Sort of. I dunno." Among some of the things that Horwitz is nervous about coping with is how he used to always refer to Haribo as being a Japanese country. "I'd used to say 'Oh yeah, Haribo makes great candy, I think they're Japanese' but now I look back and wonder: what if a person who knew that Haribo was German heard me? I wonder if they'd laugh at my ignorance behind my back? Or maybe they would be secretly mocking me, appalled at my lack of confectionery knowledge?" At this point Horwitz let out a big sigh. "I really should check my facts before sounding like an idiot."
Another thing that distresses Horwitz is how he used to dream of going to Japan, just to buy a lot of Haribo candy for less money. Now that he knows Haribo is in fact German based, those dreams are history. Said Horwitz: "Wow I got so used to that idea that it's hard to break away from. It feels so weird."
Horwitz also regrets how he failed to notice Haribo's true origins, before. "I buy Haribo candy a lot, and I generally look at bags and such fairly closely while I'm eating if I'm bored. Why did I never realize this?" asked Horwitz rhetorically. However, the worst part was how he once saw a Haribo bag in German at a friend's house. "I started saying, 'whoa that's weird! It's a Japanese company with German packaging! That's like two non-English things combined!' Now it is embarrassing to remember that incident, knowing that it was a German company with German packaging and thus not all that amazing."
Horwitz says he will still purchase Haribo products, but perhaps will try to observe the origins of his food products more closely in order to avoid a similar mixup in the future.