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Valet: Accused UBS bank trader sorry beyond recollection A fancy-ass melanin-challenged bank trader accused of fraud in connection with a $2.3 billion loss in unauthorized trading reported by Swiss giant UBS is “sorry beyond recollection,” his Valet said Thursday, because now he cannot remember where he stashed the money. Full story»		Latest news 20 May - Obama ducks more IRS fallout 20 May - Flying sharks spotted at Cape Cod 19 May - Government official's decree causes bra brouhaha 17 May - Ask Hal 9000/arch2 15 May - Department of Defense orders more sexual assault training 13 May - Sandy Hook Elementary School condemned 11 May - The Singles Crisis: UnNews Reporter's Two Years on Plenty of... 09 May - EA Games partners with Reebok 08 May - Dave Mustaine is running for president 06 May - Baseballer detonates bomb in Boston but walks free 30 Apr - Lebanon detains dolphin spy suspect 28 Apr - Blogger may be "angling" to replace "anorexic" NBA cheerlead... 25 Apr - UnNews wire hacked; President is unhurt 23 Apr - Witherspoon may have Alzheimer's 23 Apr - Columbia no longer the drug capital of the world 13 Apr - Kim il-Thatch honoured with state funeral 12 Apr - 'Lights Out' For Norway 05 Apr - British class survey 'a bit shit' 04 Apr - Afghanistan’s favorite sport: Head Polo 01 Apr - Famous rapper Tupac Shakur found Alive in Dubai Older news
Jack Layton passes away, even separatist Quebecers mourn Mr. Jack Layton passed away today while fighting 300 CIA agents, destroying most of them, drawing sympathy from an unlikely part of the country: The United States of Quebec. Full story»	Uncyclopedia says it’s losing contributors The online knee-jerk spoofopedia that is written entirely by quadriplegics, iSexuals, biSexuals, trySexuals, perverts, degenerates, tardy school children, farm animals, kindergarten teachers, Wikipedia rejects, peg-legged whalers, washed up 1st graders, and a few bearded-ladies (plus a honey or 2), is losing contributors Full story»
People overweight, and it's their fault, at all time low “If the additional fat is a product of modern society, you should not be given Diabetes by some facist doctor,” Full story»	Gerard Depardieu first recipient of the Legion de Pisser A panel of French cultural experts have applauded Depardieu's decision to pull out his penis in the economy class and now want to pin a medal of the Legion de Pisser on Depardieu's Saucisse Francais. Full story»
Write a new UnNews story:± UnNews needs you! If you've got an idea for an article...then sod off and type it into Minitrue. But if you can actually write a complete story, then enter the headline in the box below, then click the button to create your own UnNews article! Read Me First • From the Chief • Style Guide • Newsroom	Minitrue ± What's This? Dubai invests in tourism for S&M enthusiasts South Dakota implements nine month waiting period for abortions I.O.C. drops wrestling; plans to add "Olympic Doping Competition" Homeland Security investigating mysterious 'USPS' group leaving unattended packages across US, Terrorism link possible? All future headlines to be limited to forty-four lett Google accused of rigging search results: Wikipedia pages ranked above Uncyclopedia.	Recent UnNews Audio ± Podcast | Archive. 30 Oct - BBC DJ's warned over possible Savile Pranksters (2:27, info) • story 18 Oct - Windows 8 baffles users; but, screw 'em! (4:48, info) • story 14 Oct - Prof sues law school for bias against conservatives (4:14, info) • story 14 Sep - Riots spread across Arabia protesting American cinema (4:30, info) • story 30 Aug - Romney/Ryan to re-institute Negro slavery (4:10, info) • story Apr '11 - Pennsylvania city renames itself for cash (4:01, info) • story
About UnNews Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»	This day in 2012 NATO affirms Afghan drawdown, warm fuzzy feelings University of Tex Ass promotes new academic program	UnFunnies for May 21
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