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Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard
Friday, November 28, 2014, 12:52 (UTC)
Ron paul jalopy
 :By Dr. Ron Paul
For the eternity that I spent in Congress, I never once voted for an unbalanced budget, earmark, or foreign war. I am disappointed with my son, Rand, who seems to be a mainstream GOP hawk with his call for war against this whole ISIS group.

I raised Rand to be a principled me, so when I eventually kick the bucket, I will still be in Congress. Rand, come back home. Full story»


SputnikVacuumCleanerSattelite
BAIKONUR, Kazahstan -- A mysterious Russian object launched earlier this year has been performing surprisingly harmless maneuvers, prompting some to start panicking that it could be some kind of secret peaceful spacecraft.

A specialist said, "This could also be the first happy case of a satellite defecting from Russia and refusing to perform the evil it was designed to carry out.” Full story»

1428239 aftermath300
FERGUSON, Missouri -- Organizers have opened bidding on premium seating for riots that could occur as soon as a grand jury classifies a shocking white-on-black murder as self-defense. They insist the victim was unarmed, as his attempt to wrestle the officer's gun away had not yet succeeded.

A coalition asked for 36 hours' notice before the decision, and demanded that police not use "menacing" equipment like bulletproof vests, which would deny rioters a non-threatening work environment. Full story»


Pen-on-lawn1
NORTHEAST MIAMI-DADE, Florida -- Police have given the all-clear after investigating reports of a suspicious ballpoint pen found near Highland Oaks Middle School.

DHS agents had already evacuated the entire state, but have now lowered the terror threat level from red to pink. Full story»

Downtown cold
OTTAWA, Ontario -- A cold wave of unprecedented proportions has hit the Land of the Flying Moose.

The news, which literally hit reporters in the face as soon as they left their houses, reached the front page of various newspapers outlets. "Global warming must be a hoax!" titled the Globe and Mail. As the more simplistic Toronto Sun put it, "Global warming trolololol!" Across the border, six feet of global warming fell on Buffalo, New York. Full story»

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About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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TV Highlights November 28


Horizon: Investigation into whether Microbiology exists elsewhere in the Universe Science Documentary
BBC 3 7:00 PM GMT
Brian Cox gets an insight into the search of microbiology on other planets.

Who wants to be Abducted by an Alien Quiz Show
ITV1 5:00 PM GMT
A quiz show in which celebrities compete to be kidnapped by ET! (Warning: This programme is for entertainment purposes only and does not support the fact that alien life exists).

Aliens: A daily struggle to survive! Science Documentary
Channel 5 8:00 PM GMT
We meet Alan and Dave, random people off the street who claim they are aliens, to obtain true, scientifically proven facts about alien serial killers living in the Midlands with dramatic narration and the theme from Dracula playing on repeat in the background.

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