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Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard
Monday, October 20, 2014, 23:35 (UTC)
NancySinatraBoots01
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Barack Obama has opted to put "boots on the ground" after all, calling on veteran singer Nancy Sinatra to donate her old boots to "throw at the fanatics."

Sinatra's old Top 40 hit, These Boots Are Made for Walking, will be blasted through loudspeakers as the old footwear is dropped on ISIS. If these run out, the Philippines will supply Imelda Marcos's confiscated shoe collection as a backup. Full story»


Matzah Ball Soup
WIKIA CITY, California -- Computing giants Facebook and Apple will offer to freeze the eggs of productive female employees.

The move will let them keep their tits their noses to the grindstone, cranking out web pages and policy manuals and filing complaints about the cafeteria food throughout their productive years. Then they can have a baby at age 70, and hire someone who can actually bear it, nurse it, pick it up, and remember its name, and might adopt it when they die when the kid is 5. Full story»

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JACKSONVILLE, Florida -- A Florida man has been sentenced in the death of a fellow Floridian over loud thug music.

"Florida schools teach never to criticize a driver for loud thug music," the prosecutor said, "because the driver is often a loud thug." That was true in this case, and shooter Michael Dunn "put him down." Judge Russell Healey told the shooter, "Your life is effectively over," as the prison ritual includes a regime of desensitization through constant exposure to loud thug music. Full story»


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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The 132 passengers of the flight that Amber Vinson took were asked to identify themselves to the Center for Disease Control (CDC) for "monitoring."

The CDC said Liberians without Ebola can take municipal buses, because Ebola cannot be caught from other passengers, but Africans with Ebola should not take buses, because it can. U.S. borders remained wide open, as Nancy Pelosi stated, "We have to pass more Liberians, so that you can find out what is in them." Full story»

Ebola bumper sticker
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. President, embarrassed in the past for golfing and fundraising too soon after decapitations and murders of Ambassadors, has confronted the Ebola epidemic head-on: by appointing a "czar" for the disease.

Veteran backslapper Ron Klain has political experience that should let him utter any required inanities — while his complete lack of medical experience will keep him from getting bogged down in technical details such as the inconsistency of his statements. Full story»

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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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TV Highlights October 20


Joy Hour Religion
TBN 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
Up and coming pastors ask for financial support in exchange for joy.

British Farce British Farce
BBC America 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
Some generically named, impossible to understand British farce.

Quinn the Quantum Guy Children
Nick Jr. 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
Quinn takes a hilarious look at the double-slit experiment through silly song and dance.

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