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Tuesday, September 30, 2014, 14:59 (UTC)
Flirt au Bord de la Mer
SACRAMENTO, California -- Governor Jerry Brown has signed SB967, a law that codifies exactly when a woman has given consent to have sex.

Sex will now be "opt-in," while spam email will remain "opt-out." The law states that silence does not constitute consent, but moving toward one's partner or nodding the head might. That is for a jury to decide. There will be a standard government form to sign, before disrobing or flirting, to minimize legal liability. Full story»

No Voice England
WESTMINSTER, England -- The success of last week's Scottish referendum in provoking more powers for the Scottish Parliament has produced a groundswell in England, which for 300 years has had no parliament except the national one.

An English Parliament could leave the British one to focus on important matters, while an English Queen could reign alongside the British one. Full story»

HOGWARTS, Scotland -- There was dancing down the cloisters as top magic school 'Hogwarts' confirmed they had beaten something even more horrible than Lord Voldemort: The Salmond Beastie.

Plans to move Hogwarts to a theme park near London will be 'reviewed' if another Beastie returns. Full story»

VENICE, Italy -- George Clooney has finally come off the political fence and declared his intention to become the next American President, reinforcing his European Liberal credentials by marrying British-Lebanese legal eagle Ammal Alamuddin.

Clooney's decision has disappointed many women fans and the entire female population of Greece. Full story»

New NFL logo
BOSTON, Massachusetts -- The first two weeks of NFL football have seen NFL stars stand accused of spousal assault, child-beating, letting the SUV engine idle, and failing to take a clean plate on each trip to the buffet.

Commissioner Goodell has avoided watching incriminating videos, so as to reactivate players after token lifetime bans. Full story»

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About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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TV Highlights September 30

The Real Scottish Referendum Documentary
BBC 1 7:00 PM GMT
The BBC reveals that only 1% of the population support Alex Salmon in the Scottish referendum. (Despite the fact that the BBC is a public service the government has in no way biased the making of this documentary).

Panorama Investigates:Does Scotland actually Influence Great Britain? Documentary
Channel 4 8:00 PM GMT
A Channel 4 reporter goes undercover disguised in a kilt to interview Scottish people and force them to tell C4 that they are unemployed.

Argentine Invasion of Scotland Plans Revealed Documentary
Channel 5 5:30 PM GMT
Channel 5 gets a new insite into the real Argentine motives as it covers an unemployed ex-Admiral of the Fleet who wants a war so that he can have an excuse to get his job back as he campaigns to prove that Argentina is still a threat to the nation.

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