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UnFunnies for July 29
Circuz comic01

A Marilyn Monroe nightmare.


Your birthday this week: Gemini! You were born with a prehensile tail, but your parents never told you about it, you little freak. Your dual nature can lower your chances of passing that drivers test. Believing that Dracula is real will get you far in life. Vocations of Geminis include seal and otter repair, hated business executive, competitive eater, lambaster and prophet.

Famous Geminis include Regis Philbin , Henry VIII, Pol Pot, Curious George, Ricardo Montalban, Simon and Garfunkel, Jay-Z (band), Caesar Augustus, Bilbo Baggins and Lao-Tze.

  • Gemini (May 20 - June 21) - This week is a good time to start that smuggling business you've been thinking about. Use the money you've been squirreling away in lieu of paying taxes.
  • Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - Cancel any plans for moving to Idaho or being abducted by aliens. Your blood may turn green, in which case, get to a hospital quickly.

TV Highlights July 29


The Real Scottish Referendum Documentary
BBC 1 7:00 PM GMT
The BBC reveals that only 1% of the population support Alex Salmon in the Scottish referendum. (Despite the fact that the BBC is a public service the government has in no way biased the making of this documentary).

Panorama Investigates:Does Scotland actually Influence Great Britain? Documentary
Channel 4 8:00 PM GMT
A Channel 4 reporter goes undercover disguised in a kilt to interview Scottish people and force them to tell C4 that they are unemployed.

Argentine Invasion of Scotland Plans Revealed Documentary
Channel 5 5:30 PM GMT
Channel 5 gets a new insite into the real Argentine motives as it covers an unemployed ex-Admiral of the Fleet who wants a war so that he can have an excuse to get his job back as he campaigns to prove that Argentina is still a threat to the nation.

Viewers in the United States can receive these broadcasts by notifying their local cable provider that they would like the Highbrow Package, which includes all these channels plus several in Hindi and complete coverage of Smackdown Wrestling.

Viewers in the UK might try contacting their local BT network for an upgrade from only receiving two channels to receiving three and all in colour.

Viewers in Australia or New Zealand might want to turn their TVs upside down (right way up) so that they can receive the signal.

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