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Revision as of 01:00, January 2, 2014

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NEW YORK CITY -- The New York Jets of the NFL are laying down detailed preparations for their game at Wembley this weekend.

The team is shipping American breakfast cereal to London, as it will not do to simply shop for it at Tesco, and no he-man bone-crushing football player is going to start the day with anything called a "banger." Full story»

LONDON, England -- The UK plans to spend £25M to build a prison for thousands of Audi drivers.

The Swiss-designed “brushed aluminum with bespoke hand-stitched leather” prison will prepare the already-overcrowded prison service for thousands of Audi drivers to serve time for breaking emissions rules. Full story»

PORTLAND, Oregon -- News wires are taking pains to note that soap star Weyland Smithers' televised announcement that he is gay is not news but just a PR stunt that should not be documented, thereby making it news and documenting it.

Even the Daily Mail, the world's gayest news service, called Smithers sycophantic and dug up his most embarrassing moments. Full story»

Sunrise on Mars
HOUSTON, Texas -- NASA may provide the long-sought proof that there is life in the solar system.

Life on Mars would be a needed distraction in the run-up to the 2016 Presidential elections, and could provide key help deciding whether Tom Brady knew-or-should-have-known about the deliberate deflation of game footballs. Full story»

System 3 punch card
MENLO PARK, California -- Wizards of engineering are fixing things that were not broken, from bank cards to the 140-character limit on the length of a tweet.

Donald Trump says he could make his core points even if limited to 4 letters, while Bernie Sanders says even 140 is too much freedom, and the resources should be used to guarantee everyone free food in a meatless diet. Full story»

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About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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This day in 2014

TV Highlights October 4

Panorama Investigates: Child Abduction Documentary
Channel 4 7:30 PM
One of the reporters goes undercover disguised as a guy being followed around by a camera man, sound man and director as he walks he speaks in a quiet voice into the microphone, to check out how a large, multinational company is supporting child abduction in an African country.

Countryfile Conservative style Entertainment
BBC 2 6:30 PM GMT
This week Matt and Sue are walking through the fields of some county up North no one has ever heard of in search of Gordon Brown's hiding place while John will be working out why the population in that area is rapidly decreasing due to a lack of jobs.

Doctor Who: The Return of the Plot from last week Sci-Fi
BBC 1 7:45 PM
Doctor Who goes in searc of some Time Lord money so that he can afford to pay for new writers to write different scripts for each episode. He goes hyperactive and can only display one emotion: insanity. His new assistant who is just there for her looks mentions "I wish David Tennant still played the Doctor" numerous times when confronted in not-very-scary situations.

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