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(I like this idea a lot, because I like one-liners (horoscopes, anyone?) and UnFunnies is played out (maybe?), and if it's good enough for The Onion... eh, revert me if not.)
(Also delete some obsolete class names)
 
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* CSS at [MediaWiki:Skin/UnNewsNew.css] (invoked by the "Reskin parser" in [MediaWiki:Common.js])
<div style="border: #EFEFF1 solid 3px; padding: 3px;">
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* JavaScript in [MediaWiki:Common.js] (at unNewsFrontPageJS)
{| class="the_table" style="text-align: left"|
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{|
{| class="the_table"
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|colspan="2" style="vertical-align:top;width:66%;"|{{Lead articles}}
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|id="MainPage_latest_news" valign="top"|{{Main headlines}}
 
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|colspan="2" class="lead_big upper_lead" style="vertical-align:top;width:66%;"|{{Lead articles 2}}
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|colspan="3" class="breaker"|{{UnNews special portals}}
|class="latest_news" id="MainPage_latest_news" valign="top"|{{Main headlines}}
 
 
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|class="history" id="writeAnArticleCell" valign="top"|{{Main write}}
 
|class="history" id="writeAnArticleCell" valign="top"|{{Main write}}
 
|class="headlines" valign="top"|{{UnNews Other Headlines}}
 
|class="headlines" valign="top"|{{UnNews Other Headlines}}
|class="unnews_audio" valign="top"|{{ThisWeeksHoroscopes}}
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|class="unnews_audio" valign="top"|{{RecentUnNewsAudio}}
 
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|class="main_about" style="vertical-align:top;width:33%;"|{{Main about}} <!-- Going to replace with... something-->
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|class="main_about" style="vertical-align:top;width:33%;"|{{Main about}}
 
|class="headlines" valign="top"|{{Main historical}}
 
|class="headlines" valign="top"|{{Main historical}}
 
|class="untoons" valign="top"|{{TVHighlights}}
 
|class="untoons" valign="top"|{{TVHighlights}}
|- <!-- Templates that can be rotated in/out above:
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Main historical, Main popular, Main interviews, Main original,
 
Main about, Main write, Main around, Main devel, Main local,
 
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Latest revision as of 00:15, May 26, 2015

UnNews Front Page

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FOXBORO, Massachusetts -- Marquee NFL quarterback Tom Brady's four-game suspension has been overturned by a federal court.

Judge Richard Berman reviewed the entire evidence in the case, looked at the plaintiffs and defendants, then signed his verdict, which read in its entirety: "You are all morons! Now, get out of my courtroom!" Full story»


Bitcoin
UnNews Logo Potato1NAVELISM
WIKIA CITY, California -- Administrators of Uncyclopedia claim that that website is unaffected by an extortion scam gripping Wikipedia in which editors create vanity pieces on famous corporations, then solicit reimbursement or "protection money."

Uncyclopedia claims that nobody cares what is on its pages, nor would pay to have them changed in one direction or another. If someone wishes to, however, it should be with something that technically is not money — perhaps Bitcoins. Full story»

C3POAmy
SAN FRANCISCO, California -- Gizmodo has reported that Ashley Madison is full of robots impersonating women and has very few real women on the website at all.

Suspicions were first raised when Gizmodo coder Don “the data” Perkins, on a mission to lose his virginity before his 40th birthday in October, was fixed up with a spidery-looking spray-painting robot. Full story»


Chris Christie
LACONIA, New Hampshire -- Chris Christie (R-NJ) has proposed that a bar-coded sticker be attached to the forehead of every illegal immigrant.

Any federal official with a compatible wand could scan Mexicans, to ensure that everyone standing around in the Home Depot parking lot arrives at some nearby construction site. Full story»

Brexitfilm
DONCASTER, England -- Nigel Farage has announced that the UK Independence Party will wage a referendum campaign to have Britain leave the EU, independently to the rest of Westminster.

Farage called this a continuation of UKIP party tradition of being independent of anything possible — even of people with the same views. Full story»

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