UnNews:Main Page

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
(I like this idea a lot, because I like one-liners (horoscopes, anyone?) and UnFunnies is played out (maybe?), and if it's good enough for The Onion... eh, revert me if not.)
(Delete {Sister projects} (for links to other national Uncyclopedias, see website main page))
 
(3 intermediate revisions by one user not shown)
Line 9: Line 9:
 
!colspan="3"|
 
!colspan="3"|
 
|-
 
|-
|colspan="2" class="lead_big upper_lead" style="vertical-align:top;width:66%;"|{{Lead articles 2}}
+
|colspan="2" class="lead_big upper_lead" style="vertical-align:top;width:66%;"|{{Lead articles}}
 
|class="latest_news" id="MainPage_latest_news" valign="top"|{{Main headlines}}
 
|class="latest_news" id="MainPage_latest_news" valign="top"|{{Main headlines}}
 
|-
 
|-
Line 16: Line 16:
 
|class="history" id="writeAnArticleCell" valign="top"|{{Main write}}
 
|class="history" id="writeAnArticleCell" valign="top"|{{Main write}}
 
|class="headlines" valign="top"|{{UnNews Other Headlines}}
 
|class="headlines" valign="top"|{{UnNews Other Headlines}}
|class="unnews_audio" valign="top"|{{ThisWeeksHoroscopes}}
+
|class="unnews_audio" valign="top"|{{RecentUnNewsAudio}}
 
|-
 
|-
 
|colspan="3" class="breaker"| <hr>
 
|colspan="3" class="breaker"| <hr>
 
|-
 
|-
|class="main_about" style="vertical-align:top;width:33%;"|{{Main about}} <!-- Going to replace with... something-->
+
|class="main_about" style="vertical-align:top;width:33%;"|{{Main about}}
 
|class="headlines" valign="top"|{{Main historical}}
 
|class="headlines" valign="top"|{{Main historical}}
 
|class="untoons" valign="top"|{{TVHighlights}}
 
|class="untoons" valign="top"|{{TVHighlights}}
|- <!-- Templates that can be rotated in/out above:
+
|-
Main historical, Main popular, Main interviews, Main original,
 
Main about, Main write, Main around, Main devel, Main local,
 
And of course, my Main man -->
 
 
|colspan="3"|
 
|colspan="3"|
 
{{Dynamic navigation noncentered
 
{{Dynamic navigation noncentered
Line 29: Line 29:
 
|TITLE=UnNews in other languages
 
|TITLE=UnNews in other languages
 
|CONTENT={{UnnewsLanguages}}
 
|CONTENT={{UnnewsLanguages}}
|SMALLCONTENT=
 
}}
 
|-
 
|colspan="3"|
 
{{Dynamic navigation noncentered
 
|BGCOLOR=#f9fcff
 
|TITLE=Sister projects
 
|CONTENT={{Sisterprojects}}
 
 
|SMALLCONTENT=
 
|SMALLCONTENT=
 
}}
 
}}

Latest revision as of 13:22, September 1, 2014

Welcome to UnNews
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Friday, March 27, 2015, 08:11 (UTC)
Tsipras
UnNews Logo Potato1STILL REALLY SAD
MARSEILLE, France -- (UPDATED) Authorities have finally released the name of the presumably suicidal Germanwings co-pilot, and happily, his first name is not "al-".

Co-pilot Andreas Lubitz was initially "courteous," though when the captain asked about lunch after the flight, Lubitz gave a cryptic reply about preferring virgins. The Airbus A320 is designed with safeguards to allow emergency entry into the cockpit, disabled in the case of a co-pilot desiring to commit mass murder and suicide. Full story»


Ketchup1
BUFFETT'S WARREN, Pennsylvania -- Corner shops, chocoholics and greasy spoons throughout the world are in a Twirl over Wispas of the imminent merger between Kraft and H.J. Heinz.

The Fresh Take on the Fusion of the two corporate food Heroes occurred when venture capitalists concluded that Americans would jump at the chance to add ketchup to their cheese dogs without an intervening step. Full story»

Bottled water
HONG KONG, China -- The Chairman of Nestlé has declared that “Water is a human right,” at the Credit Suisse Asian Investment Conference here, as his associates raised toasts with Perrier.

The new human right would seem to extend to cases where the natural endowment needs to be trucked in, desalinated, or have someone pluck out the cow feces. Full story»


Time
AUSTIN, Texas -- Bills are being drafted across ten states to ban the use of time, a move that should eliminate rotting food, late trains, and arguments at the end of track meets.

Texas State Rep. Dan Flynn (R-Snake's Hips) argues that abolishing time — inflexible, invisible, and odorless — will make traffic accidents a thing of the past, and will stop expensive procrastination and sour milk with a single swipe of the pendulum. Full story»

Funeral01
LEICESTER, United Kingdom -- England's most prolific killer, King Richard III, was presented to the public in a brand new coffin inside Leicester Cathedral.

Richard had died at the Battle of Bosworth in 1485 and for over 500 years his body had been lost to view, buried in a car park and forgotten. The city council expected a tourist rush to share the 'Richard' experience. Full story»

Latest news Feed-icon Twitter logo initial F icon Reload page
Write-unnews

Write a new UnNews story:±

UnNews needs you! If you've got an idea for an article...then sod off and type it into Minitrue. But if you can actually write a complete story, then enter the headline in the box below, then click the button to create your own UnNews article!

Read Me FirstFrom the ChiefStyle GuideNewsroom


EyeofOMGITSLOOKINGATME
Minitrue ± What's This?
Radiomicrophone

Recent UnNews Audio ± Podcast | Archive.


About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

Current event marker

This day in 2014

TV Highlights March 27


No One Is Watching Government
C-SPAN 2:00 PM EDT/1:00 CDT
Why on earth are you even reading this? You KNOW damned well you are going to click over to USA for "Law & Order: SVU" without even checking this out. That's what everybody does. Why should you be any different? We could put on footage of Richard Nixon doing the Obama twins, and STILL no one would see it. Go watch something else. Anything else. NOW.

The Nazi Eaters Documentary
A&E 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
People eating fascists.

Topless Doctor's Office Reality
Showtime 3:00 PM EDT/2:00 CDT
Attractive women agree to let cameras into their mammogram sessions. Adult program

Personal tools
projects