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(I like this idea a lot, because I like one-liners (horoscopes, anyone?) and UnFunnies is played out (maybe?), and if it's good enough for The Onion... eh, revert me if not.)
(Also delete some obsolete class names)
 
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Latest revision as of 00:15, May 26, 2015

UnNews Front Page

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Sunday, February 14, 2016, 06:14:59 (UTC)

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Man-watching-rugby
UnNews Logo Potato1V.D. DAY 2016
ENGLAND -- Wives and girlfriends have denied requests from their partners to take a ‘half time’ break from romance, to watch BBC highlights of the Six Nations rugby championship.

The girls' high tackle has left men bruised and wondering if the time has come to kick things into touch. Full story»

Janet Yellen
UnNews Logo Potato1V.D. DAY 2016
CHIHUAHUA, Mexico -- The value of love has fallen by two-thirds, from $115 a month in the summer of 2014, to just under $28 in mid-January.

Irish websites that permit betting on U.S. elections predict that electing any of the leading candidates will reduce amorous feeling in the country by an order of magnitude. The value of cuddly teddy bears reached $0.00 in one city, thanks to one sticky-fingered market maker. Full story»


Hillary Clinton sunglasses
NEW HAMPSHIRE -- Hillary Clinton reorganized her campaign after a 60-39 loss to Bernie Sanders here. He scored big with college students amassing six-figure debt to major in Grievance Studies by promising them they could do so without amassing debt at all.

The Clinton campaign stressed the importance of everywhere else, and called the defeat "long-anticipated." But the spokesman's corpse was found beneath a tree in a public park. Clinton said she would consent to a police search, if everyone else consented first. Full story»

Bernie Sanders MVP
UnNews Logo Potato1SUPER BOWL 50
SANTA CLARA, California -- The Denver Broncos defeated the Carolina Panthers 24 to 10 in Super Bowl 50. Peyton Manning is planning to retire. Cam Newton is a popular player. But Vermont senator and 2016 Democratic Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders was voted most valuable player.

At midfield, Sanders went into a tirade. "Only the top two teams get to play the Super Bowl! The other 93.75 percent? They get shut out! It's time to start a football revolution!" Full story»


DavidChamberlain1
LONDON, United Kingdom -- British PM David Cameron declared, in a speech on the wireless last night, that he achieved 'all his aims' after a recent trip to Brussels.

He said he had 'averted a long war' that would have caused huge suffering within the Conservative Party. Full story»

Policeagle
LONDON, England -- The United Grand Lodge of England will permit eagles of the Metropolitan Police to become Freemasons. The decision aligns the birds of prey with their human and canine counterparts.

Met Commissioner Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe had employed 600 of the predators to deal with inner-city petty crime, as police in the Netherlands use eagles in Amsterdam against criminals who are especially high. Full story»

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TV Highlights February 14


The Real Scottish Referendum Documentary
BBC 1 7:00 PM GMT
The BBC reveals that only 1% of the population support Alex Salmon in the Scottish referendum. (Despite the fact that the BBC is a public service the government has in no way biased the making of this documentary).

Panorama Investigates:Does Scotland actually Influence Great Britain? Documentary
Channel 4 8:00 PM GMT
A Channel 4 reporter goes undercover disguised in a kilt to interview Scottish people and force them to tell C4 that they are unemployed.

Argentine Invasion of Scotland Plans Revealed Documentary
Channel 5 5:30 PM GMT
Channel 5 gets a new insite into the real Argentine motives as it covers an unemployed ex-Admiral of the Fleet who wants a war so that he can have an excuse to get his job back as he campaigns to prove that Argentina is still a threat to the nation.

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