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(I like this idea a lot, because I like one-liners (horoscopes, anyone?) and UnFunnies is played out (maybe?), and if it's good enough for The Onion... eh, revert me if not.)
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Latest revision as of 13:22, September 1, 2014

Welcome to UnNews
Straight talk, from straight faces
Tuesday, September 2, 2014, 19:05 (UTC)
Holu­hrauns­hrauns­hrauns­hraun
HOLUHRAUN, Iceland -- Iceland's newest volcano has only been erupting for days, but Icelanders are already seeking a name that will frustrate foreigners who try to pronounce it.

In a sample of twenty people on Laugarvegur, thirteen "totally mangled" it, while one accidentally summoned Surtr, guardian of the fiery realm of Múspell. Full story»


Mississippi River
ST. JOHN THE BAPTIST PARISH, Louisiana -- (Gnome-speakernotes listen) Officials assured citizens that there is no reason to worry about the discovery of brain-eating amoebas in the water supply of 12,577 people.

A Health Officer said the water is drinkable: "When water goes 'down the hatch,' it is headed away from the brain." But joking while drinking tap water might send it up the nose and straight toward the brain. Full story»

News - Smokey
ALEPPO PROVINCE, Syria -- An ISIS battalion codenamed الجبن المجيد “Glorious Cheese” has shot itself to death following a routine execution.

Only one ISIS militant remained standing when it was all over, and he turned himself into Syrian authorities as a seditionist requesting to be conscripted within the Syrian Army. Full story»


Mikesam
ST.LOUIS, Missouri -- Michael Sam, who earlier this year was the first openly gay athlete to be drafted by an NFL team, has now become the first openly gay athlete to be cut by an NFL team.

ESPN cameras recorded him breaking down in tears and being consoled by his boyfriend after getting the pink slip in his locker from "Rams" coach Jeff Fisher. Full story»

Bushobama
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Obama made the astonishing declaration that "we don't have a strategy yet" regarding Syria.

In response, Time put him on the cover as the "Person, Thing, or Abstraction of the Year" and Norway teed up a second Nobel Peace Prize. Full story»

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About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

Current event marker

This day in 2012

TV Highlights September 2


The Real Scottish Referendum Documentary
BBC 1 7:00 PM GMT
The BBC reveals that only 1% of the population support Alex Salmon in the Scottish referendum. (Despite the fact that the BBC is a public service the government has in no way biased the making of this documentary).

Panorama Investigates:Does Scotland actually Influence Great Britain? Documentary
Channel 4 8:00 PM GMT
A Channel 4 reporter goes undercover disguised in a kilt to interview Scottish people and force them to tell C4 that they are unemployed.

Argentine Invasion of Scotland Plans Revealed Documentary
Channel 5 5:30 PM GMT
Channel 5 gets a new insite into the real Argentine motives as it covers an unemployed ex-Admiral of the Fleet who wants a war so that he can have an excuse to get his job back as he campaigns to prove that Argentina is still a threat to the nation.

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