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Latest revision as of 01:00, January 2, 2014

Welcome to UnNews
UnFair and UnBalanced
Sunday, July 13, 2014, 18:53 (UTC)
NASHVILLE, Tennessee -- ( Gnome-speakernotes listen) Vice President Joe Biden called on the governors of the U.S. states to "lead the nation out of this mess we're in."

Not only is it unclear which mess Mr. Biden meant, but Mr. Biden's boss was responsible for leading the nation out of any mess, as well as probably for getting it into the mess, though he was busy shooting pool with Colorado governor John Fluffernutter. Full story»


TORONTO, Ontario -- Toronto mayor Rob Ford said that voters should simply trust him to stay sober, as he won't make any promises about something over which he has "no control."

He explained that muggers routinely kidnap celebrities and use funnels to force alcohol down their throats. In addition, businesses from hospitals to barbershops sometimes surreptitiously administer alcohol to customers intravenously. Full story»

WESTMINSTER, UK -- Prime Minister David Cameron announced the annual charity Musical Chairs event in Parliament. Ed Miliband, who chairs the Committee on Table Manners, will further entertain the Commons by eating two bacon sandwiches during the competition.

But ministers who take a tumble, squeezing past Eric Pickles in the narrow aisles, could find themselves injured and unable to hold their cabinet position in the final year. Full story»


McALLEN, Texas -- Glenn Beck stammered to explain charges that he brought teddy bears and soccer balls to migrants in Texas.

"We don't want them playing with a football or a baseball, or we'll be outsourcing our NFL and MLB jobs to migrant workers in 20 years," Beck explained, and then stormed off of the stage. Full story»

DENVER, Colorado -- U.S. President Barack Obama went near where thousands of underaged Central Americans have been streaming into the country.

But the President's new spokesman said that the President's absence from the site of the border invasion was natural, as all the $1000-a-plate contributors were at a banquet in Dallas and none were at the border. Full story»

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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

This day in 2012

TV Highlights July 13


Panorama Investigates: Child Abduction Documentary
Channel 4 7:30 PM
One of the reporters goes undercover disguised as a guy being followed around by a camera man, sound man and director as he walks he speaks in a quiet voice into the microphone, to check out how a large, multinational company is supporting child abduction in an African country.

Countryfile Conservative style Entertainment
BBC 2 6:30 PM GMT
This week Matt and Sue are walking through the fields of some county up North no one has ever heard of in search of Gordon Brown's hiding place while John will be working out why the population in that area is rapidly decreasing due to a lack of jobs.

Doctor Who: The Return of the Plot from last week Sci-Fi
BBC 1 7:45 PM
Doctor Who goes in searc of some Time Lord money so that he can afford to pay for new writers to write different scripts for each episode. He goes hyperactive and can only display one emotion: insanity. His new assistant who is just there for her looks mentions "I wish David Tennant still played the Doctor" numerous times when confronted in not-very-scary situations.

Viewers in the United States can receive these broadcasts by notifying their local cable provider that they would like the Highbrow Package, which includes all these channels plus several in Hindi and complete coverage of Smackdown Wrestling.

Viewers in the UK might try contacting their local BT network for an upgrade from only receiving two channels to receiving three and all in colour.

Viewers in Australia or New Zealand might want to turn their TVs upside down (right way up) so that they can receive the signal.

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