UnNews:Main Page

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
(Comments)
 
(11 intermediate revisions by 3 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
<!-- DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, ADD CSS TO THE MAIN PAGE OR ITS TEMPLATES. DO NOT CHANGE ANY CLASSES OR YOU WILL BE SHAVED OF ALL BODY HAIR AND EXILED TO SIBERIA
+
<!-- UnNews FRONT PAGE.
Also, use [[MediaWiki:Skin/UnNewsNew.css]] for all your CSS needs.
+
Rendering of this page is further affected by:
Else, beware the wrath of Olifag -->
+
* CSS at [MediaWiki:Skin/UnNewsNew.css] (invoked by the "Reskin parser" in [MediaWiki:Common.js])
  +
* JavaScript in [MediaWiki:Common.js] (at unNewsFrontPageJS)
  +
-->
 
<div style="border: #EFEFF1 solid 3px; padding: 3px;">
 
<div style="border: #EFEFF1 solid 3px; padding: 3px;">
 
{| class="the_table" style="text-align: left"|
 
{| class="the_table" style="text-align: left"|
{{Main page header}}
+
{{UnNews masthead}}
 
|}
 
|}
 
{| class="the_table"
 
{| class="the_table"
 
!colspan="3"|
 
!colspan="3"|
 
|-
 
|-
|colspan="2" class="lead_big upper_lead" style="vertical-align:top;width:66%;"|{{Lead articles 2}}
+
|colspan="2" class="lead_big upper_lead" style="vertical-align:top;width:66%;"|{{Lead articles}}
 
|class="latest_news" id="MainPage_latest_news" valign="top"|{{Main headlines}}
 
|class="latest_news" id="MainPage_latest_news" valign="top"|{{Main headlines}}
  +
|-
  +
|colspan="3" class="breaker"|{{UnNews special portals}}
 
|-
 
|-
 
|colspan="3" class="breaker"|{{UnNews portals}}
 
|colspan="3" class="breaker"|{{UnNews portals}}
Line 16: Line 18:
 
|class="history" id="writeAnArticleCell" valign="top"|{{Main write}}
 
|class="history" id="writeAnArticleCell" valign="top"|{{Main write}}
 
|class="headlines" valign="top"|{{UnNews Other Headlines}}
 
|class="headlines" valign="top"|{{UnNews Other Headlines}}
|class="untoons" valign="top"|{{h3|UnFunnies for {{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTDAY}}}}{{untoon}}
+
|class="unnews_audio" valign="top"|{{RecentUnNewsAudio}}
 
|-
 
|-
 
|colspan="3" class="breaker"| <hr>
 
|colspan="3" class="breaker"| <hr>
 
|-
 
|-
|class="" style="vertical-align:top;width:33%;"|{{ThisWeeksHoroscopes}}
+
|class="main_about" style="vertical-align:top;width:33%;"|{{Main about}}
|class="headlines" valign="top"|{{TVHighlights}}
+
|class="headlines" valign="top"|{{Main historical}}
|class="untoons" style="vertical-align:top;width:33%;"|{{UnNewsSundayMagLead}}
+
|class="untoons" valign="top"|{{TVHighlights}}
 
|-
 
|-
|colspan="3" class="breaker"| <hr>
 
|-
 
|class="unnews_audio" valign="top"|{{RecentUnNewsAudio}}
 
|class="headlines" valign="top"|{{Main historical}}
 
|class="main_about" valign="top"|{{Main about}} <!-- Going to replace with... something-->
 
|- <!-- Templates that can be rotated in/out above:
 
Main historical, Main popular, Main interviews, Main original,
 
Main about, Main write, Main around, Main devel, Main local,
 
And of course, my Main man -->
 
 
|colspan="3"|
 
|colspan="3"|
 
{{Dynamic navigation noncentered
 
{{Dynamic navigation noncentered
Line 38: Line 31:
 
|TITLE=UnNews in other languages
 
|TITLE=UnNews in other languages
 
|CONTENT={{UnnewsLanguages}}
 
|CONTENT={{UnnewsLanguages}}
|SMALLCONTENT=
 
}}
 
|-
 
|colspan="3"|
 
{{Dynamic navigation noncentered
 
|BGCOLOR=#f9fcff
 
|TITLE=Sister projects
 
|CONTENT={{Sisterprojects}}
 
 
|SMALLCONTENT=
 
|SMALLCONTENT=
 
}}
 
}}

Latest revision as of 01:37, May 18, 2015

UnNews Front Page

Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures!

UnNews Logo Potato
Saturday, May 23, 2015, 02:01 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconArchivesIndexesRandom story

Scouts
IRVING, Texas -- The National Council of the Boy Scouts has unveiled new policies banning anything to do with guns and other weapons including sickles and Popsicles.

A Cub Scout leader in Sunnyvale, California who has scolded both members of her den about "threatening" things like Hulk Hogan lunchpails hopes the new policy boosts membership, but opinion is running against her. Full story»


RandPaulHolyAvenger
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Presidential candidate Rand Paul (R-KY) tried to filibuster the U.S. Senate Wednesday night but shut it down after only ten hours.

The move drew instant derision from fellow candidate Ted Cruz (R-TX), who in 2013 "kept it up" for a full 21 hours. Paul's career average of 11.5 hours per filibuster puts him at risk of being sent down to the minors before he can advance to the White House. Full story»

Safety form
RAMADI, Obama Province, Islamic State -- Mega-terrorist conglomerate ISIS has achieved its highest endorsement, gaining ISO 9000 accreditation.

The final hurdle to certification was devising an ISIS questionnaire by which to ensure proper notification of next-of-kin in the case of a mishap occurring to an employee during a planned mishap. Full story»


Airsoft BB
UnNews Logo Potato1SMALL ARMS
PYONGYANG, North Korea — Pyongyang says it has developed miniaturized nuclear BBs making it possible to fit them into standard BB and Air-soft projectors.

The report comes just days after North Korea claimed a joint venture with Lucas Films to build a golf-ball-sized Death Star. Full story»

Kim Medium 4
UnNews Logo Potato1SMALL ARMS
PYONGYANG, North Korea -- The DPRK said Wednesday that it can miniaturize supreme leader Kim Dung-Un II’s brain.

"We have also had the capability of reducing the brain size of other leaders, for some time," the DPRK, North Korean military said. Officials hope this new class of brain weapons can also minimize the leader's enormous ego. Full story»

Latest headlines
Recent Second Front Pages: UK election
Write-unnews

Write a new UnNews story:±

UnNews needs you! If you've got an idea for an article...then sod off and type it into Minitrue. But if you can actually write a complete story, then enter the headline in the box below, then click the button to create your own UnNews article!

Read Me FirstFrom the ChiefStyle GuideNewsroom


EyeofOMGITSLOOKINGATME
Minitrue ± What's This?
Radiomicrophone

Recent UnNews Audio ± Podcast | Archive.


About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

Current event marker

This day in 2013

TV Highlights May 23


'George the Edgy Children
Disney 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
"George Does Drugs" George is offerred drugs, and forgets that winners don't do drugs.

Holy Shi.... Shit Fiction
ShiTV 4:20 AM weEDT/3:20 CDT
In the series premiere, scientists talk about shit.

South Park Adult Animation
Comedy Central 10:00 PM EDT/9:00 PM CDT
Timmy

Personal tools
projects