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Latest revision as of 13:22, September 1, 2014

Welcome to UnNews
We distort, you deride
Wednesday, September 17, 2014, 04:24 (UTC)
Braveheart
HOLYROOD, Republic of Scotland -- The implications of a 'Yes' vote are becoming clear, as the World Court in The Hague has ruled that secession would void every contract or agreement ever made that spans Scotland and the Mother Country.

David Cameron said that, after withdrawing its Queen and its banks, England will withdraw all its currency. England will not stay on the pound either; the former United Kingdom (fUK) will devise an electronic money to be known as the Britcoin. Full story»


LochNessMonster1
EDINBURGH, Scotland -- Scotland's beloved 'beastie', the Loch Ness Monster, says she will go south if Scotland votes in favour of a breakaway from England next week.

'I had to be sure my pension would be secure. My last pension was with T.Rex Bank which was wiped out by an asteroid hit about 65 million years ago,' said the serpent. Full story»

KateCambridge1
LONDON, United Kingdom -- The Duchess of Cambridge's announcement that she is pregnant is Prime Minister David Cameron's last-gasp effort to stop Scotland from becoming an independent country.

Cameron said, 'When we received reports that Alex Salmond and his gang were about to win the referendum, I told Prince William to leave his johnnies in the box.' Full story»


Bushobama
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Obama told the U.S. he will send an additional 475 troops into Iraq — despite hints that ISIL enjoys striking symbolic targets on anniversaries even more than Batman's enemies used to.

Obama said the troops' mission is training and support and not combat. This means they will advise the Iraqi army on how to practice racial sensitivity, read combatants their rights, avoid bullying, and not over-react to being shot at. Full story»

WalMart service
BENTONVILLE, Arkansas -- Gigantic retailer Walmart cracked the whip yet again on its indentured "sales associates," by dictatorially requiring them to dress appropriately for work.

The creativity-killing ukase replaces the typical garb of a Walmart "associate," which was a T-shirt with playful slogans such as "Occupy Wall Street" or "Look for the Union Label," or photos of Che Guevara sure to elicit smiles from customers. Full story»

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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

Current event marker

This day in 2013

TV Highlights September 17


Quinn the Quantum Guy Children
Nick Jr. 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
"Hide and Seek." If you cannot see your parents, do they still exist?

Finish Your Peas Drama
Lifetime. 9:00 PM EDT/8:00 CDT
Someday, little Tommy will be DEAD.
THEN they'll be sorry!

Future shock Science documentary
Science Channel 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
Scientists gloat about technology takeover. Michio Kaku attempts to help us understand why we have to do what the robots are telling us to.

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