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Latest revision as of 13:22, September 1, 2014

Welcome to UnNews
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, December 26, 2014, 23:35 (UTC)
Damnnation1
MOSCOW, Russia -- (Gnome-speakernotes listen) Putin's government announced that the economic crisis has ended, except for routine aftershocks such as massive price increases, unavailability of products, bankruptcies, and street protests.

The ruble has dropped to record lows, and thus has nowhere to go but back up. The obvious consequence will be an era of stability, lasting all the way up to the next cataclysm. Full story»


Burned Out Building
UnNewsNAVEL-GAZING
WIKIA CITY, California -- UnNews officials confirmed that, effective at the New Year, its headquarters will relocate to a new suite in sunny Chihuahua, Mexico with attractive rough-hewn wood decor and black trim.

UnNews publisher Morris Greeley denied that the move was prompted by its plans to hire a 50th worker, which would include it in the health-care mandates of recent U.S. law. "Benefits was not a consideration," said Greeley. "We hire young and sack at the first onset of grey hair." Full story»

Kim-Jong-Un-Funny
HOLLYWOOD -- Sony Pictures will allow tiny Alamo Theatres to show The Interview, its "goofy comedy" about the CIA trying to assassinate Kim Jong-Un.

The movie, which was an act of war, was responded to by the reclusive nation by a complete hack of the corporation, which was not an act of war but put the U.S. Government into a "dilemma." It put Sony into a bigger dilemma, as Sony can be sued. Full story»


Hands Up
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- New riots have broken out in America's capital to protest African Americans being asked to reach items on the top shelf of the supermarket.

Protesters flooded onto the street here to make the point that no innocent black man should ever be asked to cooperate with another American based on superficial traits such as height. Full story»

Bastionbooger
BOLOGNA, France -- Europe's highest court has ruled that being fat is a disability, meaning workers must get special parking spaces next to a winch, all-you-can-eat deals at the company cafeteria, and an after-work dating club where everyone ignores unattractiveness.

U.K. Prime Minister David Cameron scoffed at the idea that the ruling would give traction to a rash groundswell to pull the U.K. out of the European Union entirely. Full story»

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About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

Current event marker

This day in 2013

TV Highlights December 26


No One Is Watching Government
C-SPAN 2:00 PM EDT/1:00 CDT
Why on earth are you even reading this? You KNOW damned well you are going to click over to USA for "Law & Order: SVU" without even checking this out. That's what everybody does. Why should you be any different? We could put on footage of Richard Nixon doing the Obama twins, and STILL no one would see it. Go watch something else. Anything else. NOW.

The Nazi Eaters Documentary
A&E 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
People eating fascists.

Topless Doctor's Office Reality
Showtime 3:00 PM EDT/2:00 CDT
Attractive women agree to let cameras into their mammogram sessions. Adult program

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