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Latest revision as of 13:22, September 1, 2014

Welcome to UnNews
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Saturday, November 1, 2014, 11:15 (UTC)
Ebola bumper sticker
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Obola insisted that any quarantines against the West African epidemic be based on science and not have waivers, exceptions for influential donors, backroom deals with friendly governors, and loopholes for citizens who threaten lawsuits.

Nurse Kaci Hickox, who spent the weekend in a tent in New Jersey, said "I'm not willing to let my civil rights be violated when it's not science-based." Ms. Hickox's neighbors back in Maine agreed that they have a Civil Right to become infected. Full story»


Richard Branson
MOJAVE, California -- The second rocket in a week has exploded, and businessmen and politicians are hard at work figuring how best to exploit the mishap. Charles Bronson's Virgin Galactic owns the rocket; the pilot ejected and the hastily promoted co-pilot proved that he had thus advanced beyond his level of competence.

Mr. Bronson will offer customers premium experiences, such as astro-cremations and low-earth-orbit barbecues, if they will switch their booking to SpaceShipThree and pay a small extra charge. Full story»

Orbital00
WALLOPS, Virginia -- Visitors to the NASA facility here were treated to a surprise unexpected pre-Halloween fireworks show using a private-enterprise space mission and old souped up Soviet Lada car engines, as a rocket destined for the International Space Station (ISS) blew up on the launchpad.

For once, NASA is not to blame for the unmanned screw-up. Full story»


Obama laugh
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Obama is still uninfected by Ebola, which means the nation is safe. He gave a scripted hug to nurse Nina Pham and this time, no wise-ass growled at him, "Don't be touching my bitch."

The U.S. borders remain wide open, but the CDC is giving all arrivals from Liberia a notebook, a thermometer, and a box of Q-Tips with which to monitor themselves, unless they want to fly to Chihuahua, Mexico and walk across the unguarded southern border. Mr. Obama declared that the Ebola virus is a "junior-varsity disease." Full story»

Cup holder
DETROIT, Michigan -- Automotive engineer Kevin Blaser has received the 2014 Nobel Peace Prize for suggesting that the new, all-aluminum, Ford pick-up truck get two coffee-cup holders in its tailgate.

Ford rushed his suggestion into production without the usual four-year design review. He is confident the indentations will not be hard to clean and will not attract corrosion, as there are no lakes anywhere near Detroit whose water is salty or occasionally sprays up. Full story»

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About UnNews
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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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This day in 2013

TV Highlights November 1


Panorama Investigates: Child Abduction Documentary
Channel 4 7:30 PM
One of the reporters goes undercover disguised as a guy being followed around by a camera man, sound man and director as he walks he speaks in a quiet voice into the microphone, to check out how a large, multinational company is supporting child abduction in an African country.

Countryfile Conservative style Entertainment
BBC 2 6:30 PM GMT
This week Matt and Sue are walking through the fields of some county up North no one has ever heard of in search of Gordon Brown's hiding place while John will be working out why the population in that area is rapidly decreasing due to a lack of jobs.

Doctor Who: The Return of the Plot from last week Sci-Fi
BBC 1 7:45 PM
Doctor Who goes in searc of some Time Lord money so that he can afford to pay for new writers to write different scripts for each episode. He goes hyperactive and can only display one emotion: insanity. His new assistant who is just there for her looks mentions "I wish David Tennant still played the Doctor" numerous times when confronted in not-very-scary situations.

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