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Thursday, August 28, 2014, 20:04 (UTC)
News - Smokey
ALEPPO PROVINCE, Syria -- An ISIS battalion codenamed الجبن المجيد “Glorious Cheese” has shot itself to death following a routine execution.

Only one ISIS militant remained standing when it was all over, and he turned himself into Syrian authorities as a seditionist requesting to be conscripted within the Syrian Army. Full story»


Pasty01
UnNewsNAVEL-GAZING
SAN FRANCISCO, California -- Google has announced that it has replaced Wikipedia with Uncyclopedia as its "trusted news source," following the success of Google's promotion of the British bakers Greggs and their novel advertising campaign, "Providing shit to scum for 70 years."

A spokesbot for Google confirmed that the change was due to the greater reach of Uncyclopedia to create important web traffic compared to "dull and drab" Wikipedia. Full story»

Hmor2
UnNewsNAVEL-GAZING
MENLO PARK, California -- Social-media giant Facebook announced it is experimenting with appending [Satire] to headlines from "the internet's unchecked hoax industry," a move that could falsely impugn UnNews itself.

A typical internet hoax may boast more than a quarter of a million Facebook shares, an amount that often requires a stockbroker. As that information spreads, it takes on the pall of truth faster than a pack-a-day smoker. Full story»


Obama shoots skeets
CHILMARK, Massachusetts -- Shortly after race riots broke out in Missouri, a beheading of a journalist broke out in Iraq, causing a "heartbroken" Obama to guide a key fairway drive to the left (pictured).

In separate news, another Russian invasion broke out in Ukraine, further threatening to distract his transformational Presidency. Full story»

Israelarmy01
JEFFERSON CITY, Missouri -- Missouri Governor Jay Nixon formally asked Israel to help contain violence in Ferguson. Nixon bypassed Barack "Pontius Pilate" Obama, to go straight to the experts at crowd control.

The Governor said his request for Israeli security forces was "temporary" and that they will soon return to Gaza for the next war peacekeeping mission. Full story»

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About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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This day in 2013

TV Highlights August 28


Panorama Investigates: Child Abduction Documentary
Channel 4 7:30 PM
One of the reporters goes undercover disguised as a guy being followed around by a camera man, sound man and director as he walks he speaks in a quiet voice into the microphone, to check out how a large, multinational company is supporting child abduction in an African country.

Countryfile Conservative style Entertainment
BBC 2 6:30 PM GMT
This week Matt and Sue are walking through the fields of some county up North no one has ever heard of in search of Gordon Brown's hiding place while John will be working out why the population in that area is rapidly decreasing due to a lack of jobs.

Doctor Who: The Return of the Plot from last week Sci-Fi
BBC 1 7:45 PM
Doctor Who goes in searc of some Time Lord money so that he can afford to pay for new writers to write different scripts for each episode. He goes hyperactive and can only display one emotion: insanity. His new assistant who is just there for her looks mentions "I wish David Tennant still played the Doctor" numerous times when confronted in not-very-scary situations.

Viewers in the United States can receive these broadcasts by notifying their local cable provider that they would like the Highbrow Package, which includes all these channels plus several in Hindi and complete coverage of Smackdown Wrestling.

Viewers in the UK might try contacting their local BT network for an upgrade from only receiving two channels to receiving three and all in colour.

Viewers in Australia or New Zealand might want to turn their TVs upside down (right way up) so that they can receive the signal.

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