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Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out

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Monday, January 21, 2019, 18:58:59 (UTC)

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Hamster cage Elon Musk
UNDERGROUND HAWTHORNE, California -- Elon Musk and his Boring Co. have unveiled the full-size prototype for his Los Angeles area tunnel project slated for completion in 2019, which in Musk-speak means 2021 or later. Maybe. It will connect SpaceX headquarters in Hawthorne with Dodger Stadium. "This means shifting the foundations of several skyscrapers but we'll have a machine able to do that in like three weeks. Meanwhile, I picked the color of the tunnel myself." said the proud CEO. Full story»

MadDog02
Washington D.C., USA -- President Donald Trump wants to include another mad person in his cabinet. Following the departure of 'Mad Dog' James Mattis as the Defense Secretary, Trump has asked his staff to 'find another mad man' for the job. The new recruit would have to swear a life fidelity to Trump and his family and to never 'flip the bird to the boss'.

A number of candidates have come forward. They include Mad Magazine, the Mad Hatter, a Mad Cow and Steve Buscemi. All are said to be 'contenders' for the post. Full story»

StatueOfLIberty001
WASHINGTON D. C., USA -- The White House has confirmed it will be recommending the removal of the Statue of Liberty and shipping it back to France. This is retaliation for French President Emmanuel Macron's recent insults to President Donald Trump's feelings.

The French-made statue by Frédéric Auguste Bartholdi and Gustave Eiffel was erected in 1886 in New York's harbour. Now the American government says it has to go for two good reasons: It isn't American and gives immigrants the wrong idea that they are now welcome in the USA. Full story»


MelaniaTrumpPith01
Cairo, Egypt -- United States First Lady Melania Trump has agreed to appear in a new film titled Out of Shithole Africa in honour of her husband President Donald Trump.

The film will be a very loose remake of Meryl Streep's movie Out of Africa. Melania will play Meryl Streep whilst she hopes a Donald approved actor would be Robert Redford. Someone like James Woods or Kanye West. Full story»

TrumpPence1
WASHINGTON, USA -- United States Vice President Mike Pence willingly surrendered himself and his body to a thorough inspection by his boss. President Donald Trump said the interview had gone well but had left Pence chained up in the White House interrogation cave a little longer than planned.

"Mike's a good guy, I know that for sure now, " said Trump. " My team showed him the instruments of persuasion and he started telling me everything I already knew about his aversion to women who are not his wife." Full story»

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TV Highlights January 21


Jesus Slaps the Shit Outta _____. Fantasy
EWTN 6:00 PM EDT/5:00 CDT
This week's guests: American Catholic Bishops.

Spanish Inquisition Game
HIST 6:00 PM EDT/5:00 CDT
Betcha weren't expecting this.

Test Patterns Art history
CBS 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
In an effort to boost ratings, the network replaces one of its several crime dramas with an hour long slide show of test cards used throughout TV history.