UnNews Front Page

Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures!

UnNews Logo Potato
Thursday, September 20, 2018, 02:36:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

Washington, USA -- United States President Donald Trump announced he is forming a sixth branch of the military: the Space Force. "We must have dominance in space," said the president. "That's a big statement."

“We are going to have the Air Force and we are going to have the Space Force. Separate, but equal. Like whites stay in Trump Tower, and Mexicans live in tent cities. Separate but equal. It is going to be something. Full story»

Windsor, England -- Prince Harry Potter, sorcerer in chief of modern literature, finally married his congenial literary female fighter for the good, Miss Meghan Marple -aka - the Granny Sleuth, shortly after he accidentally had spirited his first wife Ginny Weasley away into the harem of an unknown Arab sheik who won't give her back no more. The age gap between the couple - Potter is now in his early 20s and Marple is closer to 90 - has not been an issue. Full story»
Quebec City, Canada German Chancellor Angela Merkel is still in Canada after USA President Donald Trump Super Glued her hands to the table. Other world leaders were able to escape Trump's prank when he covered a white table cloth in superglue.

The meeting of the G7 had already run into difficulty when Trump had asked why his best mate Russian President Vladimir Putin. He accused British Prime Minister Theresa May of being a 'petty school mistress'. Full story»

New York USA -- Justify has won the Belmont Stakes convincingly and by so doing has also won American thoroughbred racing’s Triple Crown. He is only the 13th horse to earn that honor although that figure does not include several NASCAR racers and one very fast chicken.

His jockey Mike Smith stated, "In my humble estimation, 'twas was an estimable victory for this exceptional equine specimen, thus giving the lie to his earlier detractors. This is quite the felicitous occasion." Justify’s trainer Bob Baffert stated, "[Phony humility statement] [something about how great the horse is] [well-worn platitude] [stupid joke]". Full story»

Singapore -- North Korea's leader Kim Jong-un has joined Celebrity Dictator in a special ceremony. The show's creator and host Donald Trump who also happens to be President of the United States said it was a 'great honour' to have Kim in the show.

The decision to invite Kim Jong-un happened when Trump decided the young dictator had shown enough despotic ability to be eligible. As Celebrity Despot's host-for-life, Trump says he had been eyeing the potential of Kim Jong-un for sometime. Full story»

Trending Now
Second Front Pages:

Write a new UnNews story:±

UnNews needs you! If you've got an idea for an article...then sod off and type it into Minitrue. But if you can actually write a complete story, then enter the headline in the box below, then click the button to create your own UnNews article!

Read Me FirstFrom the ChiefStyle GuideNewsroom

Minitrue ± What's This?

Recent UnNews Audio ± Podcast | Archive.

About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

Current event marker

Today...only, last year

TV Highlights September 20

Horizon: Investigation into whether Microbiology exists elsewhere in the Universe Science Documentary
BBC 3 7:00 PM GMT
Brian Cox gets an insight into the search of microbiology on other planets.

Who wants to be Abducted by an Alien Quiz Show
ITV1 5:00 PM GMT
A quiz show in which celebrities compete to be kidnapped by ET! (Warning: This programme is for entertainment purposes only and does not support the fact that alien life exists).

Aliens: A daily struggle to survive! Science Documentary
Channel 5 8:00 PM GMT
We meet Alan and Dave, random people off the street who claim they are aliens, to obtain true, scientifically proven facts about alien serial killers living in the Midlands with dramatic narration and the theme from Dracula playing on repeat in the background.