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Saturday, April 29, 2017, 04:53:59 (UTC)

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United jet
UnNews Logo Potato1HE HAD RISEN
O'HARE AIRPORT, Illinois -- Scandal-hit United Airlines is facing a new public relations disaster, now unleashing mayhem on a cuddly Continental Giant rabbit.

Simon, on a Boeing 767 arriving from London was persevering under a regime of cost reduction by his employer, requiring their employees to fly in the cargo hold. On discovering that there is no food service in steerage, death was caused when Simon bit into a terrorist's bomb hidden in other checked luggage. Full story»

LONDON, England -- Prime Minister Theresa May has called for an early election on June 8th — and in the style of Linkin Park's new song 'Good Goodbye'. Full story»
BRUSSELS, Holy Euro Empire -- The Empire has finished construction of the Brexit Wall in time to be ready when the British invade continental Europe with their buttered scones and football hooligans.

Looking out to sea, Chief Hun Angela Merkel said, "Europe is ready for anything the English throw at us...including their rubbish." Full story»

Vulture Stone
GOBEKLI TEPE, Turkey -- (Gnome-speakernotes listen) Experts at the University of Edinburgh say mysterious symbols carved into stone pillars here (left) confirm that multiple comet strikes (right) hit earth at the same time as a mini-ice age known as the Washa Dryas.

Anthropologists say the carvings are not simply a pair of crows carrying a horse, as they would seem to the untrained, but represent a shower of comet fragments hurtling to earth to cause global cooling. Full story»

Earth's core
YOKOSUKA, Japan -- The Japanese are preparing to drill down to the Earth's mantle, a region 6 miles down, beneath the Earth's crust, which is plenty hard in its own right, though flaky and savory.

The JAMSTEC agency would be the first research institute ever to do this, and in fact has already completed its application to the Guinness Book of World Records. Japanese scientists hope to validate theories that the innermost region tastes like bubble gum. Full story»

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About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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TV Highlights April 29

Horizon: Investigation into whether Microbiology exists elsewhere in the Universe Science Documentary
BBC 3 7:00 PM GMT
Brian Cox gets an insight into the search of microbiology on other planets.

Who wants to be Abducted by an Alien Quiz Show
ITV1 5:00 PM GMT
A quiz show in which celebrities compete to be kidnapped by ET! (Warning: This programme is for entertainment purposes only and does not support the fact that alien life exists).

Aliens: A daily struggle to survive! Science Documentary
Channel 5 8:00 PM GMT
We meet Alan and Dave, random people off the street who claim they are aliens, to obtain true, scientifically proven facts about alien serial killers living in the Midlands with dramatic narration and the theme from Dracula playing on repeat in the background.

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