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Thursday, July 20, 2017, 13:51:59 (UTC)

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Baseball huddle
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The annual Congressional baseball game ended in a tie, as neither team could deliver results.

The biggest scoring threat fizzled when Chuck Schumer demanded that Republican baserunners recuse themselves, because they were likely to act in a self-interested manner. But the Democrats were equally unable to score, as they turned their attention to appointing special prosecutors to investigate the fielders. Full story»

Pam Anderson
London, UK -- The Ecuadorean embassy in London has refused a request for asylum from ex-exhibitionist Pamela Anderson. Ms Anderson said she was likely to face life-threatening disinterest if forced to return to her country of origin.

The embassy disagreed that disinterest is a life-threatening condition. "After all, hardly anybody knows who our president is and he has survived." Full story»

LONDON, England -- British voters have agreed with Theresa May that "enough is enough." In this case, the declaration came before the terrorist attack, voters driving a lorry into Westminster to do maximum damage, then jumping out and hacking off Members' arms and legs, electorally, that is.

Mrs. May becomes the newest female politician after Hillary Clinton to defy all the polls and reinforce the proverbial "glass ceiling" with titanium, just by being herself. Full story»

UnNews Logo Potato1AFTER MATH
LONDON, United Kingdom -- British Prime Minister Theresa May is looking for new allies in Parliament after her bid to augment her Conservative Party's majority was augmented by minus 12.

Confounding all reports that the reddest of the reds, Jeremy Corbyn was a dangerous, baby-eating Marxist pro-murderer, Labour et al. ate May's baby majority in the House of Commons. Full story»

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- United States is getting out of the climate Accord. Donald Trump said his action should not be taken as opposition, as he is theoretically still interested in a hypothetical new agreement, if it were rewritten from scratch to be a better deal for America.

The Accord that Mr. Trump has gotten America out of is almost certainly not a Honda Accord. However, it is not a treaty either. That would have had to go to the U.S. Senate. Full story»

CAPE CANAVERAL, Florida -- NASA's Solar Probe Plus next summer will set records for exposure to heat and radiation on which no one would spend his own money, except perhaps Elon Musk. Then it will try to get away.

However, the rewards will be immense. The probe will teach humankind how stars work — in case we need to build one. Understanding how stars work, we might begin to grasp the mind of Kathy Griffin. Full story»

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About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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TV Highlights July 20

No One Is Watching Government
C-SPAN 2:00 PM EDT/1:00 CDT
Why on earth are you even reading this? You KNOW damned well you are going to click over to USA for "Law & Order: SVU" without even checking this out. That's what everybody does. Why should you be any different? We could put on footage of Richard Nixon doing the Obama twins, and STILL no one would see it. Go watch something else. Anything else. NOW.

The Nazi Eaters Documentary
A&E 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
People eating fascists.

Topless Doctor's Office Reality
Showtime 3:00 PM EDT/2:00 CDT
Attractive women agree to let cameras into their mammogram sessions. Adult program

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