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UnNews HQ, TOP SECRET LOCATION -- It was announced on Twitter today that GOP candidate Mitt Romney will take a short break from his presidential campaign to have a small brain operation allowing him to feel freshly rebooted and ready to deflect potentially embarrassing questions regarding his past political positions.

We spoke to professor Groganfreungstagen, head of the prestigious Harvard psychomotive neuro-endo-eugenics organization, the Brain Bureau. He had the following to say: Full story»

LONDON, United Kingdom' -- England's football manager Fabio Capello is now 'sleeping with the fishes' after he was last seen disappearing into the bowels of Wembley Stadium, London for a 'meeting'. The controversial Italian born mafiaoso coach of the English national team was called to the headquarters of the Football Association for a 'discussion' about his job at short notice. Shortly afterwards, the F.A. issued a statement that said 'we have parted company with Fabio Capello on amicable terms'. Full story»

MOE’S GAY BAR, Washington, D.C. -- In a bold move of Biblical proportions the FED’s normally reserved chairman, Saint Benjamin, warned the growing Occupy Movement and other opponents of the FED that they face the same fate as Jesus if they don’t cool it. He then proceeded to tell an old story, among other ramblings.

We UnNews presstitutes, anxious for the big scoop, disguised ourselves as gay-bar patrons and listened to Bernanke’s warning. Full story»

Washington D.C, U.S.A -- Green goes Red as Obama and his fellow world leaders have met with Al Gore and his fellow environmentalists at the UN to talk about mosquitoes, as the little blood-sucking abominations continue to spread viruses and hatred across the world.

The Government has launched a new environmental campaign called MEP (Mosquito Extinction Plan). Full story»

Washington D.C, U.S.A - After an extensive environmental impact study, the U.S. Bureau of Land Management has determined that excavation of shale oil in the Uinta Basin of Utah would seriously harm a local species, and will order all excavation to immediately cease. The species is not a spotted owl, or even a mosquito, as one would expect. According to the study, the excavation of shale oil in Utah would harm the local population of Mormons. Full story»

COVINGTON, West Virginia - Baby Billy, a worldwide sensation when he was trapped in a well on a rural farm in West Virginia for three weeks in 1988, and who never got out when the world lost interest, has turned 25. Nostalgia fans and history buffs have driven up interest in the plight of this twenty-something, and the world is starting to pay attention again.

"We have to rescue Baby Billy!" Remember that heartrendering plea? It was Billy's mother, Janet, standing by the open well, one arm raised in the air and giving it all she had. Now she's back at it, and in fact has never stopped. Full story»

HONG KONG -- This month the Hong Kong Lead Exchange reported that China imported 1,102,779 kilograms of Lead in November, an increase from October’s 860,299 kilograms. Analysts believe that China, ever wary of its potentially worthless 1.2 trillion US dollar bond holdings, is dumping the bonds and buying as much lead as it can get.

Previously China purchased 900 tons of Lead in 2010, double the estimated 445 tons purchased by China in 2009. Full story»