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Tuesday, November 13, 2018, 12:51:59 (UTC)

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Washington, USA -- he official Republican Party received a military send off following the death of its soul last month. The original 'GOP' which was started by Abraham Lincoln in the 1850s finally rolled over and died.

The party's leader President Donald Trump celebrated the demise by a round of golf. Other Republican bigwigs threw dirt and discarded bottles on the coffin as it was lowered into the ground. Full story»

Theresa May at podium
London, United Kingdom -- UK Prime Minister Theresa May has submitted what is called the Chequers Plan to the European Union as its Brexit plan. This was well in advance of the deadline, by about 20 minutes. After working on it for the better part of a Wednesday afternoon, the manifesto was hammered out with a group of politicians who were suitably hammered. French president Emmanuel Macron ROFLd upon reading it and apparently pulled several muscles in the process. German Chancellor Angela Merkel initially passed on the message to Interpol, thinking it to be an extortion threat. Full story»
Russian jet 05
BAIKONUR COSMODROME, Russia -- A Russian Soyuz rocket intended to carry two astronauts to the International Space Station has malfunctioned and crashed. The two astronauts aboard were reported able to eject their capsule and land. Russia and the US now blame each other, though Pres. Donald Trump promptly absolved Russia of any blame several hours later with a full pardon. He tweeted, "The blame now falls on Mexico, always jealous of countries with space pogroms Full story»

Cairo, Egypt -- United States First Lady Melania Trump has agreed to appear in a new film titled Out of Shithole Africa in honour of her husband President Donald Trump.

The film will be a very loose remake of Meryl Streep's movie Out of Africa. Melania will play Meryl Streep whilst she hopes a Donald approved actor would be Robert Redford. Someone like James Woods or Kanye West. Full story»

WASHINGTON, USA -- United States Vice President Mike Pence willingly surrendered himself and his body to a thorough inspection by his boss. President Donald Trump said the interview had gone well but had left Pence chained up in the White House interrogation cave a little longer than planned.

"Mike's a good guy, I know that for sure now, " said Trump. " My team showed him the instruments of persuasion and he started telling me everything I already knew about his aversion to women who are not his wife." Full story»

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Today...only, last year

TV Highlights November 13

Jesus Slaps the Shit Outta _____. Fantasy
EWTN 6:00 PM EDT/5:00 CDT
This week's guests: American Catholic Bishops.

Spanish Inquisition Game
HIST 6:00 PM EDT/5:00 CDT
Betcha weren't expecting this.

Test Patterns Art history
CBS 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
In an effort to boost ratings, the network replaces one of its several crime dramas with an hour long slide show of test cards used throughout TV history.