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Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard

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Thursday, March 14, 2019, 19:48:59 (UTC)

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UNDERGROUND HAWTHORNE, California -- Elon Musk and his Boring Co. have unveiled the full-size prototype for his Los Angeles area tunnel project slated for completion in 2019, which in Musk-speak means 2021 or later. Maybe. It will connect SpaceX headquarters in Hawthorne with Dodger Stadium. "This means shifting the foundations of several skyscrapers but we'll have a machine able to do that in like three weeks. Meanwhile, I picked the color of the tunnel myself." said the proud CEO. Full story»

Washington D.C., USA -- President Donald Trump wants to include another mad person in his cabinet. Following the departure of 'Mad Dog' James Mattis as the Defense Secretary, Trump has asked his staff to 'find another mad man' for the job. The new recruit would have to swear a life fidelity to Trump and his family and to never 'flip the bird to the boss'.

A number of candidates have come forward. They include Mad Magazine, the Mad Hatter, a Mad Cow and Steve Buscemi. All are said to be 'contenders' for the post. Full story»

WASHINGTON D. C., USA -- The White House has confirmed it will be recommending the removal of the Statue of Liberty and shipping it back to France. This is retaliation for French President Emmanuel Macron's recent insults to President Donald Trump's feelings.

The French-made statue by Frédéric Auguste Bartholdi and Gustave Eiffel was erected in 1886 in New York's harbour. Now the American government says it has to go for two good reasons: It isn't American and gives immigrants the wrong idea that they are now welcome in the USA. Full story»

Cairo, Egypt -- United States First Lady Melania Trump has agreed to appear in a new film titled Out of Shithole Africa in honour of her husband President Donald Trump.

The film will be a very loose remake of Meryl Streep's movie Out of Africa. Melania will play Meryl Streep whilst she hopes a Donald approved actor would be Robert Redford. Someone like James Woods or Kanye West. Full story»

WASHINGTON, USA -- United States Vice President Mike Pence willingly surrendered himself and his body to a thorough inspection by his boss. President Donald Trump said the interview had gone well but had left Pence chained up in the White House interrogation cave a little longer than planned.

"Mike's a good guy, I know that for sure now, " said Trump. " My team showed him the instruments of persuasion and he started telling me everything I already knew about his aversion to women who are not his wife." Full story»

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TV Highlights March 14

The Real Scottish Referendum Documentary
BBC 1 7:00 PM GMT
The BBC reveals that only 1% of the population support Alex Salmon in the Scottish referendum. (Despite the fact that the BBC is a public service the government has in no way biased the making of this documentary).

Panorama Investigates:Does Scotland actually Influence Great Britain? Documentary
Channel 4 8:00 PM GMT
A Channel 4 reporter goes undercover disguised in a kilt to interview Scottish people and force them to tell C4 that they are unemployed.

Argentine Invasion of Scotland Plans Revealed Documentary
Channel 5 5:30 PM GMT
Channel 5 gets a new insite into the real Argentine motives as it covers an unemployed ex-Admiral of the Fleet who wants a war so that he can have an excuse to get his job back as he campaigns to prove that Argentina is still a threat to the nation.