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Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out
Friday, February 27, 2015, 00:16 (UTC)
FORT BENNING, Georgia -- The U.S. Army has finished testing a new grenade that can be stacked like Lego blocks.

The munition is part of the Army's strategy of "reaching out" to Islam through play therapy, to help jihadis get in touch with their inner child and view American combat troops as warm and friendly social workers, culminating in President Obama's National Summit on Youngsters Who Don't Play Well. Full story»

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MACAU, P.R.C. -- North Korea will compete in this year’s Eurovision Song Contest. The country’s entry, “Kim Jong Elvis,” will soon head to Vienna to be openly mocked by corrupt cheating nationalists with clandestine agendas.

North Koreans, troubled of late by the recent absence of Un, prayed for his return, prayers confirmed as “unanswered” as the world's master of unintentional self-parody performed Suspicious Minds. Full story»

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HOLLYWOOD, California -- Patricia Arquette used her Oscar acceptance speech to demand equal male-dominatrix rights and opportunities for women shading the big grey “50”.

Arquette urged the nation's MILFs to support cellar conversions with frames designed to hang naked people from, to a standing ovation from Meryl Streep and Bill Cosby. Full story»

Farm Animals
LONDON, England -- Nature is soon to become Net-ure. Just as Google gathers images for Street View, volunteer camouflaged subscribers will tirelessly roam the land looking for “all creatures great and small” to shoot with a dart containing a nano-hotspot.

“We would be providing an interesting public education and security service; certainly not tracking you or anything like that.” said a Mr Q, representing MI6. Full story»

CHIHUAHUA, Mexico -- (Gnome-speakernotes listen) A 250-vehicle convoy journeyed to the U.S. border to buy discount gasoline. Spokeswoman Luz María Mendoza stressed that it was for "personal consumption" and the huge poly tanks in the beds of some of the pick-up trucks would not be used for illegal resale. "That would be someone else."

Those without poly tanks faced the dilemma that it takes more than a tankful to reach the border to buy a cheap tankful. Full story»

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About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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This day in 2013

TV Highlights February 27

Quinn the Quantum Guy Children
Nick Jr. 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
If you read this, you cannot watch the show. If you watch the show, you cannot have read this.

Product Testing Lab Documentary
Discovery. 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
Minute examination of how products are tested. This week: Preparation-H.

Repeat of 1960s American Drama Drama
CBS Action. 5:00 PM GMT
This week Captain Kirk meets Walker Texas Ranger in NCIS for the showdown of a lifetime.

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