UnNews:Magician accused of rape; punchlines run rampant

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29 October 2007

Secret Portal to Hawaii, Las Vegas Casino - Magician David Copperfield has been accused of rape at his island home in the Bahamas, leaving a wide trail of punchlines, set-ups, and laughs behind him as the comedians of the world take aim; and in many cases, they aren't even sure where to start.

Cookins

Even you can't screw this one up, douchebag.

"I don't see how it's possible for anyone to not find humor in this situation" a top comedical official reported, noting that such Z-listers as Michael Richards, Pauly Shore, and Carlos Mencia had managed to get a laugh out of this. We've begun to assemble a starter list to help you out if you're having any trouble getting a snort out of all this. In the meantime, his hourly shows in Vegas have been postponed while we run out of ammo to throw out him, and will be replaced by the Sigfried & Roy Variety Hour.

edit Common Starters

“I thought that was his finger! NO!”
“She said it was magic”
~ You
“Try and make this case vanish!”
~ You
“He claims it was a trick of mirrors”
~ You
“Maybe his penis was just an illusion”
~ You
“She didn't know that they were trick handcuffs”
~ You
“And than in the middle of lovemaking he pulled colored scarfs right out of the top of his wand”
“Guess what was in the mystery box”
~ You
Devitolemon

A funnyman is at a loss for words.

“Guess what else he made disappear?”
~ You
“Magician makes baby appear out of thin air”
~ You
“Maybe she couldn't escape from his binds”
~ You
“That wasn't a quarter in her ear”
~ You
“His head wasn't the only thing levitating”
~ You

edit Sources

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