UnNews:Magical fire sends town back to stone age
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Magical fire sends town back to stone age
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, July 29, 2015, 14:42:UTC)(
8 June 2010
CHAPLEAU, Ontario -- Residents of a small logging town in Northern Ontario were stunned when their peaceful village was magically transferred to times where electricity never existed. Confusion spread like wildfire throughout the town, which was fitting because a wildfire caused this mystical journey.
Reports from the Ministry of Magic states that the fire started on May 27, 2010 and by about 5:00pm local time, had swallowed enough poles to launch the town into a blackout. Attempts to establish the connection between people from Poland and loss of power were unsuccessful. Experts do agree, however, that the presence of poles are often a sign that electricity is indeed flowing from one point to another. A Ministry spokesman was quoted as saying "Why do they keep calling me a spokesman! I'm a woman. My lawyer is going to hear about this! I will sue you and all your affiliates for sexual harassment."
To avoid a potential disaster, we caught up with another Ministry spokesman: "The fire is estimated at 2,300 hectares. We actually sent some tree planters with a measuring tape to run around the fire to establish a perimetre and then did some maths to get the size."
An opportunistic businessman took advantage of the situation by using his large generator to continue running his store. However, the other major supplier of groceries in this small town was forced to close. A state of emergency was declared because he earned more money than the town as a whole was worth. Mr. Monopoly would be proud. Whether this is a temporary problem or a permanent thing remains to be seen.