|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
26 April 2011
NEW YORK CITY -- Commissioner Bud Selig hired Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi on Monday to run the Los Angeles Dodgers, less than a week after Major League Baseball took over operation of the franchise from owner Frank McCourt.
"Big Mo, if I may take the liberty of calling him that, is a distinguished public servant who has represented his nation with excellence and has demonstrated extraordinary leadership throughout his career," Selig said in a statement. "This will benefit the Dodgers and Major League Baseball as a whole."
Gadhafi had been under siege in his native Libya because of a multinational "kinetic military action" with full support of the Arab League and with no boots on the ground. Although Gen. Gadhafi gave no availability to the press, a spokesman said that he was enthused about the new career opportunity, and commented, "All your bases are belong to us."
Dodgers manager Don Mattingly said the appointment wouldn't affect his team's approach. "It doesn't change anything about what we do, making pitches, making plays, being in the right spot, playing baseball," Mattingly said before Los Angeles played at Florida on Monday night. "We talked all spring about being a club that's ready to play and giving it everything you've got without making any excuses about any situation, whether it's travel or weather or umpires or al-Qaeda, whatever it is."
Once one of baseball's most powerful franchises, the Dodgers have been in near constant turmoil since Jamie McCourt filed for divorce a week after husband Frank fired her as the team's chief executive, just before the pre-nups came out, which made it profoundly ambiguous who would control the team in the event of the obviously unavoidable divorce.
Dodgers third baseman Casey Blake, surely taking a page from fictional player Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh, said, "I'm just playing it one-game-at-a-time, thanking the good Lord for the ability to play this game. I just want to do what's best for the team."
- Staff "Ex-Texas Rangers Pres Hired by MLB to Run Dodgers". [[wikipedia:|]], April 25, 2011