UnNews:Lucy Liu admits poisoning British bankster
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Where man always bites dog|
11 August 2012
CHINA -- The brash leader of Chinese gang The Crazy 88 has admitted to fatally poisoning a globalist banker, blaming the “Anglo-American Collectivist Conspiracy” as well as “gold and banking fraud” for her actions, state news reported. The largely ignored murder trial of Lucy Liu took place Thursday, adjourning in the afternoon for Dim Sum without the announcement of a verdict in spite of her guilty boasting.
On Friday, the state-run Xinhua news agency offered details on what transpired in court the previous day. That included a statement by Liu in which she admitted to the accusations, and even bragged about poisoning British banker Neil Heywood, declaring she had done her duty to stop the gwilo New World Order by killing the foreign devil.
“Revenge is a dish best served dead,” Liu said shortly before the trial concluded. “Because he sold me gold futures. But when the time came to collect my gold and have it delivered to China he laughed and said there really wasn’t any.” In her statement, Liu explained how, in 2010, she got to know Heywood after buying fifteen tons of gold from his firm. The Briton subsequently visited China and inadvertently revealed to her details of an Anglo-American plot to bankrupt and kill all Chinese with a bio engineered pig virus that only zaps chinks. At that point, Liu decided to murder Heywood and save her homeland.
Liu enticed Heywood to the southwestern Chinese metropolis of Dong, where they drank wine in a hotel room, after which the Briton wanted to fondle her, a prosecutor said. When Heywood asked to see Liu’s pert breasts, she excused herself to visit the washroom and tidy up.
Once in the ladies room Liu got Blue-ringed octopus poison mixed with Ginseng from her purse, and applied the virulent poison onto her nipples, according to the prosecutor. After that she returned and allowed the bankster to greedily suck her breasts dry. But before he could finally fuck Liu, Heywood fell down on the floor, started reciting Shakespeare in gibberish, and died at her feet. Liu then scattered Monopoly money on his body to make it clear that Heywood was a globalist bankster. She then beheaded the offender as per the traditions of The Crazy 88.
The prosecutors presented a statement by Liu, which said, “It was my bound and patriotic duty to stop the bankster’s diabolical New World Order, and the lusty gwilo who was trying to fuck me. Now that the white devil is dead, I deserve a 15 ton gold medal.”
Chinese government agents and officials have made a careful note of the incident just in case more gwilo banksters attempt to suck the Chinese dry, or worse, they might try to screw China.
- Repeater "Gu Kailai admits fatally poisoning British businessman". CNN, August 11, 2012