UnNews:Luciano "The Burger King" Pavarotti died
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Luciano "The Burger King" Pavarotti died
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, July 29, 2015, 18:29:UTC)(
6 September 2007
12:48 P.M.- Millions of people are in mourning today following the death of Luciano Pavarotti, the Burger King. Known to sing deeply while offering delicious hamburgers, Pavorotti was widely loved and admired. The Burger King fast food chain released a statement offering condolences and dollar-off Whopper coupons to Pavarotti's mourning fans.
Pavarotti was best known for his invention of the burgergetta singing style. With his deep voice, Pavorotti lead people to the great joys of beef consumption in the first movement of his pieces, while finishing with a refreshing crescendo of a cold soft drink at the finale.
Pavarotti's life has been marred by legal allegations. Many filed charges against "The King" for Breaking and Entering. Often, these supposed victims would claim, they would wake up silently, only to notice Pavarotti next to them, handing them a fresh meal from Burger King, while smiling manically, and molesting them.
Experts at the Mental Institute for Italian Mascots, claim that Pavarotti may have in fact been suffering from a form of mental illness known as audial-burgeritis. Little is known of this rare disease, mostly due to the fact that it was just made up.
Despite some of his pitfalls, Pavarotti will always be remembered as a king among men, a burger among sandwiches, a bringer of food to all, and the second-most famous voice of the beef, closely following the sounds of panicked mooing of pre-slaughter cows.