UnNews:Low Tide strands Man
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Low Tide strands Man
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, June 26, 2016, 06:34:UTC)(
19 June 2008
Santa Monica, CA Los Angeles County Lifeguards responded to a "Person in Distress" call on Wed. afternoon. George Norton, 56, was swimming the Santa Monica Bay when a quickly diminishing low tide left him stranded. Passers by on shore summoned police and attempted to reach victim with rope, row boats, and a kayak, but were unsuccessful.
Lifeguard Rapid Response Team Gold responded to the call and issued an immediate "Code Green", causing the immediate launch of a round of Stratego, while George looked in utter helplessness. Personal watercraft were sent to the scene but none were able to reach the victim. Crying and screaming, George managed to grab onto a line and reel in a Del Taco quesadilla, which he thoroughly enjoyed, thank you very much.
It was decided that the best thing to do was to observe and prevent any further harm. Emergency Personnel darted George with small doses of blueberry syrup for nutrition, however this only served to irk the victim. It was decided that what was best was a "time out".
Eventually rescued, the victim was taken to Cedars Sinai for observation, testing, and brunch.
- Carl Braden, Lt. Col. California Dept. of Waterways. "Santa Monica Pier Summer Beaches not for the weary.". Safety Weekly, June 18, 2008