UnNews:Love-rivals, 86 and 74, in vicious battle
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
5 March 2009
GRAMADA, HUNGARY -- She's deaf, she's got no teeth and she smells of cabbage, but Hungarian vamp Pena Dobrava still knows how to get a man's sap flowing as was demonstrated recently when her boyfriend Boris Stykov, 74, and admirer Dancho Dimitov, 86, came to blows over the fair maiden's affections. The two men ended up in a vicious walking-stick fight, said by winesses to have been "terrifying" and "bloody," outside a local cafe after a neighbour, who had seen Dancho climbing over the lovely Pena's garden fence and chatting her up, informed Boris that his rival was trying to steal her from him.
One witness said, "I was sitting in the cafe and I saw Boris suddenly stand up and run outside. He started hitting the older man over the head with his stick. The older man then retaliated, and before you know it it was full-scale street fighting outside. I thought they were going to kill each other." It took ten police in riot gear almost an hour to break up the fight, described by police officer Yuri Dayanev as one of the most blood-thirsty fights he has seen in his twenty years of active duty. Police are now considering whether to press charges against the men, but Boris remains unrepentant. "Next time, he won't get off so lightly," he said from his hospital bed where he is being treated for head injuries.
"It's no surprise that Dancho wanted Pena nor that Boris was jealous," neighbour Dmitri Bogadov, 19, later told reporters. "She's a damn fine-looking woman, alright. All the men round here fancy her, myself included."
- Andrew Gregory "World's ugliest love triangle: Vicious duel over Pena, 75". Mirror.co.uk, February 02, 2009