UnNews:Louisiana jails overflow after town bans saggy pants
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Louisiana jails overflow after town bans saggy pants
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, March 26, 2017, 07:29:UTC)(
25 June 2007
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DELCAMBRE Louisiana -- Louisiana's prison system is experiencing a crisis after thousands of citizens were arrested for wearing their pants "below the navel".
The chaos began last month when Mayor Carol Broussard of Delcambre, Louisiana, a fundamentalist Christian, passed an ordinance that made wearing saggy jeans punishable by serving three consecutive life sentences in prison. The mayor's reasoning was that saggy jeans were "too provocative" and "led our young ones down the road to Hell". Other towns in the state began adopting the law and within three days, most of Louisiana's adolescent population was in the slammer.
State officials did not forsee the strain this would put on Louisiana's prison system. All of Louisiana's jail cells are packed with those who wore low riding jeans, leaving no room for criminals who committed more serious offenses. As a result, violent crimes in Louisiana have increased fifty-fold within the last month. In fact, a group of rapists, murderers, and thieves sacked the state house in Baton Rouge yesterday and took the governor hostage, turning Louisiana into an anarchy. So far, the federal government has done nothing to address the situation, because as Kanye West put it, "George Bush doesn't care about Louisiana."
Mayor Broussard's law has also been criticized for being racist, since virtually every black male between the ages of 14 and 25 wear their pants below the waist. Indeed, approximately 100% of black men within this age group in the state of Louisiana are now serving life sentences in prison. On a positive note, however, nerds are greatly enjoying the ban on saggy pants. Their fashions- high riding pants and shirts with pocket protectors- are now being embraced by the mainstream. Popular fashion designers are rapidly changing their styles to adhere to the saggy pants ban.
Since her law caused rape, murder, and pestilence to spread throughout Louisiana, Mayor Broussard is beginning to rethink her actions. She now lets offenders off with a warning, and requires policemen to pull young people's pants up for them. However, this new rule has often led to charges of child molestation.