UnNews:Lost Scuba Divers Survive Deadly Dragon

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Lost Scuba Divers Survive Deadly Dragon

Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

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Friday, February 23, 2018, 16:28:59 (UTC)

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14 June 2008


Tatawa Island, Indonesia Five European-in-your wetsuit scuba divers neglected to tip their crew and were left to drift in the pleasantly warm equatorial waters of Indonesia. After 12 hrs. of boredom they swam to shore to "Get some cocktails" and found themselves face to face with a dragon "of biblical proportions."

"Scared? Me? Naaah. I knew we'd be famous, so I wasn't worried!" said Mike Simpson of Los Angeles, CA. "Plus on top of it, I'm American, and I have rights!".

"Moi?" said Jean DeFlee, of Paris, FR. "I was so very frightened. I sought zat I vas going to die right zere on zee beach! Lucky for moi, zee American vas zere to save mon body von le immenent e un painful death!".

"There's really only one way to deal with a dragon." said Bonnie Hart, a lesbian from San Francisco. "Therapy. Why, my girlfriend Camaro and I have been going to therapy for 16 years now and our relationship couldn't be better." Camaro was unavailable for comment, as she was currently in New Journey.

Park Rangers found the divers along the palm and carcass fringed beach sobbing and returned them back to their cabanas via Range Rover. "They threw stones and wood at the dragon and that kept it away. Here in Indonesia we have a rich diversity of plant and animal life. Elephant Ants, Spiked Shelled Tortoises, Razor Backed Sabre Toothed Crotch Critters, Phillipine Maid Spider, Siamese Cats, and the Mother-in-Law Moth. So many dangerous species!" said Igusti, who, like many Indonesians, is so poor he can only afford one name.

The captian and crew of the boat have been penalized by the Port Authority of Labuhan Bajo, Indonesia and sent to "Dragon Island" for 36 hrs. as well as receiving a hefty fine.

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