UnNews:Lost John Steinbeck novel discovered
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Lost John Steinbeck novel discovered
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, August 1, 2015, 22:59:UTC)(
8 June 2014
Salinas Valley, CA. In a shock to scholars worldwide, people at the Steinbeck Institute released a previously unheard of manuscript written by the world reknowned author John Steinbeck entitled " Garbonzo Beans of Wrath" under great pomp, circumstance, and hoopla. In the Main Exhibition Hall, under a black and white photo of Mr. Steinbeck sitting upon his favorite chair, and with the Salinas High School Marching Band playing "DJ Girl", near the buffet table, Museum Curator Adam Bein read the following speech:
"It has come to our attention that Mr. John Steinbeck's " Garbonzo Beans of Wrath" was part of an "ilogy". He went on: "From the back of the garage in a blue, orange, and silver milk crate with flashing light-up arrows, little puffs of smoke, blue sparkly glitter, and a foot long bow-seriously guys?! You couldn't have spotted this before now?! Jeez Louise! Anywho, early this morning, one of the mechanics discovered a hithertoo unnoticed shoe box. Inside the box we discovered pennings of Mr. Steinbeck that hithertoo had gone otherwise unnoticed."
After several more transgressions and use of the phrase "hithertoo unnoticed," Mr. Bein read a list of the manuscripts that had not yet been discovered:
- "The Pineapples of Wrath."
- "The Rutabegas of Wrath."
- "The Cauliflowers of Wrath."
- "The Carrots of Wrath."
- "The Jalapenos of Wrath."
"We are truly stoked and it is our hope that high school students across this great country of our read this masterpiece. Does anyone know a good Podiatrist? I have that toenail fungus stuff. Okay, let's get into that buffet eh?! Whoopee!".