UnNews:Lost Dog Saved by Bacon Roll
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Lost Dog Saved by Bacon Roll
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, September 25, 2016, 22:33:UTC)(
6 November 2007
By 05:57 a full search and rescue team had been deployed into the local hills with the aid of a Sea King helicopter provided by the Stornoway Coastguard. After mountain rescue personnel heard the howling of a cold and lonely dog, Sparky was soon found at around 07:20 at the bottom of a narrow but deep rock crevice, just wide enough for a small dog or large gerbil to fall into. On realising that the Mountain Rescue were unable to cope with such a problem, the Scottish Cave Rescue Organisation were then called out to assist with the retrieval of the young dog due to the fact that not even a basket could reach down such a narrow crevice. On arrival, the group of experienced cavers were left gobsmacked as to what could be done. One member suggested that dynamite was the answer and that they should “throw a bit of bang in there” to open up the hole which Mr MacDougall argued strongly against. After several attempts to lower down strings of local school children, the problem soon escalated when the head of 5 year old Duncan MacKenzie who attends Lochinver Primary School became lodged in the hole. Thankfully a large reserve of Vaseline, a rope and a JCB digger were brought in from Lochinver and Ullapool to free the toddler who was seeing daylight again by the early afternoon.
Then the solution finally came with the aid of a genius idea and a bit of brunch. When one of the cave rescuers returned from the nearby Incnadamph Hotel with a bacon roll after missing breakfast earlier, chief rescue controller John McLean decided to tie the succulent, grease dripping roll to a rope and lower it down the hole still containing the now soggy and exceptionally hungry dog. With one swift bite from Sparky and a giant pull from the rescuers and several of the local onlookers, the dog was removed and saved from almost certain death. So, altogether another happy story to end an exciting day which locals believe they will be talking about for years to come.
Note from Editor: UnNews is sad to report that Sparky was announced dead the following Monday Morning after he was hit by a Kinlochbervie Fish Lorry en-route to Inverness. Our thoughts are with Mr MacDougall and his family at what must be a very traumatic and difficult time.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|