UnNews:Los Angeles secedes from California, declares allegiance to Mexico
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Los Angeles secedes from California, declares allegiance to Mexico
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, July 7, 2015, 22:14:UTC)(
21 March 2007
LOS ANGELES, MEX: Many Americans are very concerned with the issue of illegal immigrants.
Early yesterday, however, it seemed that many illegal immigrants were concerned with the issue of Americans.
In an act of "outrage against the United States", according to Los Angeles mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, the City of Los Angeles voted unanimously to secede from the State of California—and the United States altogether.
What's more shocking, though, is that Los Angeles has declared itself a part of Mexico.
"Los Angeles is a city that is predominantly Latino," Villaraigosa said. "What did you expect? We all knew this was coming."
The decision was made after a large group of illegals gathered outside Los Angeles city hall, chanting various catchy slogans like, "USA? More like US-GAY" and singing the Mamas and the Papas' "California Dreamin'" with catchy alternate lyrics.
“ All the workers are brown in the USA. I worked in fast food, but they docked my pay. We are all upset living here in LA. California secedin' is what we'll do today.”
The protesters were organized by Juan Valarez, a resident of Los Angeles for the past 10 years and former city councilman.
"It shouldn't come to much surprise that I am more loyal to Mexico than I am to the U.S." said Valarez. "Why do you think I came to the U.S.? To get away from Mexico? Because I 'wanted' to live in America? For the greater degree of personal freedoms and opportunity? Of course not. I came here to snatch some jobs and waste American tax dollars."
While the Latino community is supportive of L.A.'s secession, the views in the show business and wealthy upper class community are mixed. Donald Trump, real estate tycoon and host of the TV show "The Apprentice", couldn't be happier about the change. "It makes evading income taxes that much easier," Trump commented. He later withdrew his statement when he realized he had said it aloud.
On the opposite end of the spectrum is actor Antonio Banderas. Banderas is outraged by this sudden "change in the weather", as he dubs it.
"Los Angeles is an American city, for American people," said Banderas. "What does it have to with Mexico at all? It's not like it has Spanish heritage or anything."
- Loituma "NAAL: The National Association for the Advancement of Leeks". Leekspin, March 20, 2007