UnNews:Lord Lucan found in House of Lords
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Lord Lucan found in House of Lords
Straight talk, from straight faces
Monday, June 26, 2017, 12:32:UTC)(
11 August 2007
LONDON: Police say they have traced the whereabouts of fugitive peer Richard Bingham, better known as Lord Lucan, after thirty-four years.
Lucan, who has been wanted by authorities since the 1974 murder of his nanny, was thought to have escaped the country, possibly to Australia or New Zealand. However, police say Lucan's actual whereabouts was sitting in the House of Lords, where he has held a seat since 1949.
"We couldn't believe our luck," said Metropolitan Police commissioner Sir Ian Blair. "We just walked into the House of Lords and there he was. Extraordinary."
Police found Lucan after an anonymous tipoff, suggesting Lucan had been hiding for more than three decades in the Upper House, taking shelter from authorities among other wealthy aristocrats. When confronted by police, Lucan allegedly said "It's about bleeding time!" and was escorted out of the Chamber.
Interviewed by police after his arrest, Lucan said he couldn't believe it had taken the police thirty-four years to track him down. "I mean," he said, "didn't you guys even look in the House of Lords? Didn't it occur to you that a rich, upper-class aristocrat with no moral standards would hide out in the House of Lords? Come on, people! What's wrong with you?"
Lucan said he took shelter in the Lords chamber immediately after murdering his nanny, and thought he would be captured before long. When, after ten years, the police still hadn't found him, Lucan said he began to make speeches in the House, some of which were even recorded in Hansard. "I thought they might have twigged after that," Lucan said, "but apparently not."
A police spokesman said that it did not occur to police that Lucan was still a member of the House of Lords. "Why would we think that?" he asked the press. "Why would we think we'd find an amoral, murdering, snooty aristocrat in the House of Lords, of all places?" The spokesman conceded that the police probably should have noticed when Lucan was made part of John Major's cabinet in 1994, where he served as Home Secretary.
"Yeah, I admit that was probably a bit odd," said the police spokesman. "We just didn't see it." The spokesman also admitted he had met Lucan several times, and had even been to dinner at his house. "He introduced me to his wife and asked me to excuse the dead nanny on the floor," the spokesman said. "I didn't think anything of it at the time."
Lord Lucan will stand trial for murder some time in the next few months. On a potential sentence, Commissioner Blair was noncommital. "Well, for a crime such as this, Lord Lucan might be facing between thirty and forty years in prison. However, if we want to send him to a place where he'll be surrounded by amoral criminals with no place in decent society, it's possible we'll send him back to the House of Lords]].