UnNews:Lord Jesus Christ (his real name) hit by car
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Lord Jesus Christ (his real name) hit by car
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, June 25, 2016, 14:24:UTC)(
11 May 2010
|Parts of this article were originally sporked from MSNBC.|
The 50-year-old man is from Ack. Officers checked his ID and discovered that, indeed, his legal name is Lord Jesus Christ. He was taken to the hospital for treatment of minor facial injuries and later released, according to the local paper, The Republican.
Attorneys for Lord Jesus Christ told UnNews that, "we are currently pursuing this as a hate crime. Under civil law, we are allowed damages from the defendant, who in this case, was pursuing her extreme Atheist agenda, to the detriment of an innocent Messiah. We aim to prove the driver guilty of attempted homicide with a motor vehicle."
Muhammad was unavailable for comment due to a previous engagement, inciting Shia and Sunni Muslims to kill one another. The Buddha was completely mellow and unconcerned, calling the whole affair, "an illusion."