UnNews:Local firebug trips himself up
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Local firebug trips himself up
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, July 6, 2015, 16:21:UTC)(
28 August 2010
During his arraignment, Michael Fink told the judge he was merely trying to ignite a bug, not the mattress, during the heated argument with his girlfriend. However, the mattress caught fire--and, as so often happens, when Mr. Fink tried to push the burning mattress through the window, it got stuck and ignited the side of the building.
The defendant's explanation, however, was his undoing. Explains Lt. Jeffrey Bukunt of the Nashua Police, "The judge threw out the arson charge and substituted a charge of animal abuse, which in New Hampshire, is punished twice as severely." Indeed, felony arson carries a 15-year penalty, but willfully igniting an insect can get you 30.
Mr. Fink was arrested later the same day at the Public Library, near shelves of physics textbooks.
- Kimberly Houghton "Accused arsonist: I was trying to set a bug on fire". Manchester (NH) Union-Leader, August 25, 2010