UnNews:Local fire fighters 'cleanse' station after Bush visit
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|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
15 March 2007
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MOUNT CLEMENS, Michigan -- President George W. Bush made an impromptu stop at the Mount Clemens firehouse Tuesday night on his way to Detroit from Selfridge Air National Guard base. It's been reported that the not-so minor emergency happened on route, sometime after the President finished his in-flight meal on Airforce One, which insiders claim was a rather spicy Mexican dish.
White House spokesman and former UnNews Weekend Anchor, Tony Snow claimed that he was unaware of a stop on the way to the Motor City, and that he would neither confirm nor deny the allegations. He then flipped off White House Correspondent Helen Thomas of United Liars International and then picked and flung his boogers at NBC cameras.
When we contacted the firehouse in question, we heard a tale of one Commander in Chief's most unholy bowels. Fire Chief Bob McGill told his story to UnNews. "The first thing I said to my boys after the President left was, 'Get out the bleach and scrub brushes! This is going to be a long night. Sure hope we don't have any fires.' But I just thought he left us a few floaters in the men's room. I didn't know what in God's name we were up against. I swear... sweet Jesus... I didn't know!"
While other firemen on the scene consoled the Chief, Deputy Chief Marshall LaFlamme continued the interview, "What the Chief was trying to say is that it appears that President Bush didn't just leave a stray turd in the toilet bowl. When the boys went in to clean up, they discovered a Golgothan from Hell... a shit demon. How or why the President conjured that up, I haven't a clue."
LaFlamme continued, "The first firemen on the scene were thrown out of the room covered in the most wretched smelling liquid waste I've ever encountered, and I grew up in the Detroit area. Fortunately, the men received only minor injuries and should recover from the experience after they've finished showering for the 100th time. As for the Golgothan, once I heard of what happened I immediately called ROTO ROOTER. They have a 24 hour express service that eradicates shit demons, puke zombies and stray cats. You'd better bet I have their number on speed dial."
A ROTO ROOTER spokesman confirmed Mr. LaFlamme's story but would not describe how they were able to subdue the Golgothan and then cleanse the station of it's evil, plus get rid of the foul stench left by the President, claiming trade secrets.
As one fireman stated, "They do good work, it doesn't even smell like Detroit in here anymore."