UnNews:Local Christmas light show goes up in flames
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Local Christmas light show goes up in flames
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, January 21, 2017, 02:26:UTC)(
24 December 2006
Everyones favorite Christmas light show went up in flames today after what the owner of the house called an 'electrical malfunction'. Some 386 people were killed in the explosion, including 320 that died from the shock wave alone, 18 who burned to death, 47 that died of no apparent reason and one who experienced Hyper-Cerebral Electrosis while trying to work out the math. Mr. I. Diot, who owned the house and was responsible for the light show, survived the blaze because of his superior knowledge of the floorplan which he used to his advantage by quickly exiting through the door clearly marked Fire Exit. When interviewed by UnNews reporter Juan De La Pablo Rosarea Gutierrez de San Juan Mexico, the he had this to say: "I had nothing to do with the electrical malfunction, or the fire, or the resulting explosion, and am in no way responsible for the 386 people that died." He then began to make his exit using a helicopter.
Upon being asked if he was going to chase the man, the local
Pig Police Officer gave us what can only be described as a 'confuzzled' look and went back to eating this donuts. After further questioning he gave in and spoke, citing that "There is a very, very, veeerrrry, very, slim, chance of, him..." at which point he stopped, presumably because talking is hard once dead.
After much deliberation the residents of the town have decided upon a memorial for the light shown, claiming that "it's hard to imagine future Christmases without it" and one small child even went so far as saying "I loved those lights." before bursting into tears which police later found the tears were riddled with the explosive material that trigggered the blaze, the lights owner died and was the newest member of his self organised funeral. The memorial, which is expected to be erected sometime next year, is said to be a statue of a light bulb.