UnNews:Liza Minelli fired from "Halloween" remake
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Liza Minelli fired from "Halloween" remake
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, June 30, 2015, 00:16:UTC)(
21 October 2006
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HOLLOWWOOD, California -- On October 9, 2006, Dimension Films and Albert Einstein announced that Liza Minelli would write, produce, and direct the upcoming remake of the horror classic, Halloween. However, the people at Dimension Films cannot make up their minds about which direction the remake should go.
It was announced Friday, October 20, 2006, that Dimension Films, the Einstein Company, and Pancreas International Films have reverted back to their original Rob Zombie treatment. "Liza was such a diva on the set," said Malek Akkad, executive producer of the series after his father's recent death. "None of us could work with her. The script was absolutely atrocious, and she only finished three pages. Luckily, nobody had been cast nor had a crew been hired. We should have just stuck with Rob. He's a genius. He knows what he wants to do with Halloween and Michael Myers." This also means that the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy dudes have been dismissed as well. "Good, 'cause I'd hate to see Michael Myers look like Kathy Bates."
Rob Zombie, a famed rock singer/filmmaker/flesh-eating zombie, was originally announced as writer/producer/director/music supervisor on June 5, but was fired in favor of Minelli. Despite these shakeups, the remake is still scheduled for theatrical release October 19, 2007.
Auditions are being held again, and already some of Hollywood's biggest stars have come in to read, including:
- Jack Nicholson as Dr. Loomis
- Vincent Price's ghost as Dr. Loomis
- The ghost of Donald Pleasence as Dr. Loomis
- Christopher Lee as Dr. Loomis
- The guy who wrote the AAAAAAAAA! article on Uncyclopedia as Steve Urkel
- Jamie Lynn Spears as Laurie Strode
- Hilary Duff as Laurie Strode
- The "Where's the Beef?" Lady as Laurie Strode
- Donald Trump as Sheriff Brackett
- Britney Spears as Annie Brackett
- Doris Roberts as Lynda
- Julia Roberts as Nurse Marion Chambers
- Kevin Federline as Michael Myers
- Carson Daly as Michael Myers
- Pauly Shore as Michael Myers
- Nick Castle as Michael Myers
- Mike Myers as Michael Myers
Nick Castle has over the years vowed never to do a Halloween movie without John Carpenter, but he did play the iconic role in the original and Halloween: Resurrection. Mike Myers has recently retired from acting, so it may have been a brief retirement.
Halloween is a series of musical-horror-westerns centering around Haddonfield, IL, and serial killer Michael Myers. Myers kills blood relatives on Halloween night. Look for the remake of the John Carpenter original on October 19, 2007.
- Michael D. Shape "Rob Zombie to resurrect "Halloween" once again". Associated Press, October 20, 2006