This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
14 October 2010
LONDON, United Kingdom -- Drama in the ongoing game between Liverpool Football Club and the Dallas Cowboys with a late score by their substitute quarterback Judge Mental sent the crowd mad with anger. The game at first looked to be a one-sided affair but for the Cowboys to come back into the game following what many consider a blatant foul on Liverpool's Chelsea loanee Martin Broughton, with both sides pushing for a win. Big Jim Jordan, a hefty Texan, made what could be the block of his career, leaving stud marks on the groin of Liverpool's Christian Purslow.
As the game seemed to be heading towards Liverpool, Judge Mental popped up, hacked the legs off Broughton and hit a home run...all the way back to Dallas, Texas. Mental then said that returning the ball would cost Liverpool $1 billion and a photo of his wife.
The Dallas Cowboys' coaches, Tom Hicks and George Gillet (who were sacked from Liverpool this week), said it was perfectly legal move and that they just wanted to get the price of their season tickets back. About $300 Million was their estimate--plus £1,000 million for being forced to visit Liverpool.
We are beating the Liverpool limeys fair and square, protested Hicks. OK, I know we are not the real Dallas Cowboys but there is nothing to stop us using that name in the game we are playing against Liverpool. All means, fair and foul, the Texan Way. Now the the Brits are crying because we have the Hub Cap Stealers's soccer ball. Bunch of sissies.
The Liverpool team are said to be ready to bring on a few new substitutes but have asked them to 'put their notes on the table' before being allowed onto the pitch. The one with the biggest wad, Boston-based John W. Henry, said he is willing to use extra legal resources to take on Judge Mental. Henry will be flying to Dallas Airport with his favourite baseball bat and trademark red socks. If Debbie can do Dallas, so can I, said Henry.
The game continues today.
- Staff "Liverpool football club ownership issue goes to court.". Daily Telegraph, October 14, 2010