UnNews:Livedoor blows up TSE
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Livedoor blows up TSE
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, April 30, 2016, 00:17:UTC)(
January 23, 2006
Earlier this week, The Tokyo Stock exchange was forced to close early after news of an investigation into manipulation of the company's stock resulted in a mass-hysteria and caused investors to sell their stock, something which the TSE has up until this point been un-equipped to deal with, as a result, staff at the exchange rushed to enable the facility to sell, however the computer was still unable to cope and trading had to be halted early, upsetting many buyers in the market. One particular individual from a brokerage firm was available for comment; "A lot of our customers have been very severely affected by this early closure and will be expecting their shares to be purchased pro bono as a result" Finally, a securities firm member with close ties to the company then committed Suicide later in a capsule hotel by paper-cutting his wrists with stock certificates, a funeral was held earlier today. The TSE has also decided to purchase another computer, and will be upgrading the maximum trading volume accordingly.