UnNews:Literacy declining in Florida, study finds

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Literacy declining in Florida, study finds

Straight talk, from straight faces

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17 May 2010


Liturasy is impotant to Amurikas dignuty.

KAMMEHATCHEETAMA, Florida -- A low-key literacy study has been gathering data here for two years, as Florida is one of eight states being evaluated for the title of "America's stupidest state" by the U.S. Department of Education. The verdict? There's a lot of stupid people in Florida.

The study was conceived by the Florida Board of Tourism as part of an effort to increase dollars coming into the state. Said Tourism Director Jeb Bush: "My office had been getting complaints for years about visitors who attempted to visit many of the states tourist traps, but got lost because of confusing road signs and markers."

"My research team monitored literacy in road workers," said Martin Canary of the University of Michigan Department of Redneck Studies. "The findings are distressing. Vacationers from out of state increasingly get lost reading road signs which are misspelled, ungrammatical, or senseless."

Among solutions being considered are trucking in literate workers from out of state, improving the sad educational system, and hiring a million monkeys.

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