UnNews:Lincoln blamed fart on dog, historians say
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
8 March 2011
WASHINGTON, DC -- White house officials -- and President Obama -- were shocked to learn that "Honest Abe" wasn't all that honest. While reading a journal Lincoln had written, Obama came across a photograph and journal entry that suggested that he farted and then blamed it on his dog, Baxter.
"I found this amusing thing in Lincoln's journal," Obama says. "It says..."
| 21st of February, 1864
After Mary Todd and I attended a hearty dinner with old chums, we returned home. I had eaten tacos, burritos, beans, broccoli and frankfurters, so what happened next was to be expected. While Baxter was sitting on my lap, a great wind blew from my bottom -- a fire, in fact -- and I felt too embarrased to take credit to it. I conveniently blamed it on Baxter.
No, it is not wrong for "Honest Abe" to tell a white lie on occasion.
"I'm shocked that the President would lie, and his name wasn't George Bush," Obama says. "But as funny as the incident is, Abe Lincoln is supposed to be honest. Never trust a jewGeico commercial."
Lincoln is regarded as our nation's greatest president, and women recall him as the second-sexiest president... behind only Franklin Roosevelt. He is best known for delivering the Gettysburg Address, ending the Civil War, and freeing the slaves. He was assassinated at Ford's Theater on April 14, 1865 by John Wilkes Booth, and died the next day.
Lincoln, our 16th president, is not the only celebrity to have his or her flatulence publicized. In January 2010, Jessica Simpson accidentally farted during a business meeting for her new denim line. Cheryl Cole let loose on an episode of Britain's X Factor. Matt Damon and Emily Blunt farted simultaneously at the premiere of The Adjustment Bureau in Hollywood. And Colin Firth farted after accepting the Best Actor Oscar for The King's Speech; in fact, Tom Hanks is still spraying the building with Febreze.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|