UnNews:Lily Allen pleased that England have won the Ashes
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Lily Allen pleased that England have won the Ashes
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, August 24, 2016, 23:36:UTC)(
24 August 2009
Allen, the Wordsworth of the iPod generation, has offered her unique insights into this years historic series, where England reclaimed the cherished urn, beating Australia by two tests to one.
Retiring England talisman Freddie Flintoff was delighted to get such high praise from Lily. "It's a great feeling. We've worked hard for years for this moment, my knee's killing me, I've got to have surgery this week, but it's all worth it just to know that she's so proud of us... words can't describe. It's mezin."
After a shaky start, young bowler Stuart Broad has grown in stature as the series progressed, "It was a close run thing," said the right-arm fast-medium bowler whose five wicket haul at the Oval turned the series decisively in England's favour, "At first it seemed like she fancied Graham Onions more, but I stuck in there and gave my best and in the end I managed to turn things round." Indeed, Allen pronounced him the hottest of the England boys, earning "Broady" the title of man of the match.
Allen was there in person at the Oval to see a dry and rapidly disintegrating pitch serve up the perfect stage for England's attack to dismantle the Australian batting order, bowling them all out for 160. Off-spinner Graeme Swann did particularly well, picking up eight wickets, leading many to question why Australia didn't play their best spinner, Nathan Hauritz in the series decider. Meanwhile, Lily Allen wasn't wearing a bra.