UnNews:Libyans fire rockets at Canadian warship; Canadians destroy town
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Where man always bites dog|
3 June 2011
MEDITERRANEAN SEA, Mediterranea-- On Monday over a baker's dozen of rockets were fired at the Canadian destroyer CHMS Charlottetown by 3 Libyans in support of Muammar Gaddafi in the Mediterranean Sea. None of the rockets hit the Canadian ship, even though the Libyans were firing from a distance of 100 feet.
The captain of the ship, Jennifer Stadnyk, immediately went to her quarters and got her manual, titled ‘Rules of Engagement and You,’ and searched for what the appropriate response would be. "The Rules of Engagement Manual with the picture of a beaver on it told me that I had to write a letter to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth of Canada why I think I should return fire," said Stadnyk on Wednesday.
Following a 2-day wait the Queen wrote back with, "Kill those bloody heathens!" On Wednesday the Captain launched 24 K-67 100 pound rockets at the pier where the Libyans had fired from. Following the rocket attack the Charlottetown then released 5,000 rounds of 105mm cannon fire on the docks.
Seven Canadian CF-18s each dropped four 500-pound bombs on the position a few hours after the ship opened fire. After 20 minutes of the Canadians returning fire, 7,562 Libyan civilians were killed and the entire coastal fishing town was completely destroyed.
Captain Stadnyk of the CHMS Charlottetown said that even though they only had to return fire on three people they had to make sure they hit their targets and justified the destruction of the town and the many innocent lives lost.
NATO and the United Nations said they would not be launching an investigation into the incident because of how many people died and the amount of paperwork that would be involved. However, NATO released a statement saying they were sorry for the incident and next time they would not let the Canadians kill so many people.
Canada has been leading the NATO mission in Libya since March and Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced Canada will never give up command of the mission.
- Staff "Libyans fire rockets at Canadian warship but fail to score a direct hit". CBC News, NewsJune 3, 2011