|This article is part of UnNews||We distort, you deride|
22 February 2011
TRIPOLI, Libya -- Libya's embattled president Muammar Gaddafi is threatening to his country into a giant crazy golf course unless everyone goes back home and awaits their interview with the secret police.
Speaking from a golf buggy and holding an umbrella, Gaddafi said his people had deserted his Islamic Green coloured revolution and therefore deserved to see Libya turned into a giant, oil producing crazy golf course. He said that his family and supporters will build this new sporting dream or die in the bunker, located by the 18th hole in the shape of a concrete whirlpool. Gaddafi added in a broadcast:-
...they say this isn't real game but crazy or mad man golf. I say that is a lie put out by the Zionists-Americans, British, drug takers, immoral people, cockroaches, cats, mice, Mr Mohammed in Manchester, Ronald Reagan...I know you all. I will tee off with your heads enemies of Islam. The people of the world, I will bury them on the first green, the one with the rabbit hutch...Barack Obama and Tiger Woods..voices in my head...
The signal was then cut..but re-appeared with Gadaffi waving to his supporters and holding up a machine gun-shaped golf club, a souvenir from his friend Abdel Baset al-Megrahi (the Lockerbie bomber) after his extended holiday in Scotland and said to have been used by Mel Gibson in Braveheart. In the past Gaddafi says he wanted to retrieve golf's historic revolutionary past.
NEWS UPDATE: Gaddafi says he has invited President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela, Kim Jong-il of North Korea, President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe and Jenny JWoww from Jersey Shore to a pro-celebrity-despot-gaol dodger tournament in March. So far only Lindsay Lohan is expected to attend.