|This article is part of UnNews||We distort, you deride|
28 February 2011
NEW YORK, New York -- Libya beat off all competition to win this year's Bad Ass trophy at the 2011 United Nations' Inhumanitarian Awards. In a glittering ceremony held at the United Nations, other countries unanimously voted Libya the winner in a stiff contest against North Korea, Iran, Italy and Egypt.
U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said of Gaddafi, "We want him to get out....and to call off the mercenaries," and so it was that they all came out and appeared together on-stage in Libya to the applause of the hundreds of diplomats. Accepting his award via a scratchy telelink, to the sound of gunfire and teargas in Tripoli, Libya's leader Colonel Gaddafi celebrated with a small band of friends in Green Square.
I want to thank my security forces, the nail trimmers in Benghazi (sadly absent) and my sons for helping Libya win this award. As I have told everyone, I am only follow my committees, it is they who made this all happen.
The honor means that, as well as letting North Africa's torture capital retain its seat on the "Human Rights Council," Libya will also become eligible for membership on the UN's "High-Speed Rail Planning Board" and the "Space Launch Coordination Organization," despite having neither any launch pads nor functioning railroads.
Other winners this year included North Korea for their performance in We Want to Start World War Three, China in All Your Dollars Belong to Us, Russia in Moscow's Mafia Connections and Afghanistan's entry Last Man Left, Blow up the Bank. The prestigious Adolf Hitler/Joseph Stalin A Lifetime's Murder and Genocide award was provisionally set aside for Gaddafi if he wanted to claim it this year.
Fashion followers were disappointed that UN Secretary-General Ban ki-moon once again wore his pants splitting Security Council outfit and that very few diplomats wore sackcloth and ashes at the award ceremony for getting everything so wrong this year.
- Christy Lemire "Oscars go young and hip, with traditional results". Associated Press, February 28, 2011
- Viola Gienger and Maram Mazen "Clinton Condemns Libya Violence and Says Qaddafi ‘Must Go’". Business Week, February 27, 2011