UnNews:Libertarian wins primary, reporters sharpen knives

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
Libertarian wins primary, reporters sharpen knives

Straight talk, from straight faces

UnNews Logo Potato
Saturday, March 24, 2018, 02:45:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

26 May 2010

Rand Paul

Are...are you asking me?

BOWLING GREEN, Kentucky -- The primary victory of free-market candidate Rand Paul became an occasion for reporters to bring out their toughest questions.

Mr. Paul, who won the Republican primary election for US Senator from Kentucky, was immediately asked whether he favored the repeal of the 1965 Civil Rights Act. The question is important because, sixteen months into the presidency of "post-racial" Barack Obama, and two months since the controversial new health care law, polls show that Americans' biggest concern is that government is about to enable hotels and restaurants to start turning away African Americans.

Mr. Paul's response, "Uh, uh, uh, yes, I mean no, I don't endorse any discrimination," was taken as a nod toward repeal of the landmark law. The exchange occurred on CNN. Katie Couric of CBS had asked for the interview, but phoned her regrets, as she still felt ill from having consumed Sarah Palin in a single sitting.

Mr. Paul was later offered time on Meet the Press to clarify his remarks, but declined. However, he did appear Tuesday afternoon before a crowd at the local Lions Club, joking and toasting them with mimosas. He was dressed in scrubs, as he is a doctor and had recently operated on a nearby rectum that had been turned inside-out.

Mr. Paul is the son of Congressman Ron Paul of Texas, who conducted a fringe campaign for President in 2008, and was named after private-property champion Attila the Rand.

UnNews is aware of the news media's special role as the unofficial fourth branch of government, and an UnNews reporter had been waiting in the wings with follow-on questions for Mr. Paul, which there was, unfortunately, no time to ask. These concerned whether the libertarian supports personal ownership of nuclear weapons and vending-machine sale of heroin.

edit Sources

Personal tools